By: WonkotheSane (Six Pack) –
I’ll be deviating from the standard Boozer-Review today; instead I have opted to directly compare the Transmorphers series with the Transformers films. At the end of each comparison, I will present a calculation of the Blood-Alcohol content required in order to confuse one film with the other.
Transmorphers (2007) vs. Transformers (2007)
Bad Ass Dialog:
Rand: “Are you violating a direct order from a superior officer?”
Blair: “I’m violating a direct order from a coward!”
Megatron: “Humans don’t deserve to live!”
Optimus Prime: “They deserve to choose for themselves!”
Megatron: “Then you will die with them!”
Megatron: “JOIN THEM IN EXTINCTION!”
Transformers: Robots come to earth to dress up like Tanks and/or General Motors Products. Naturally the Robots who make the consumer-friendly choice are the good ones.
Transmorphers: All robots own the earth, and humans are just tunnel rats getting in their way. Humans fight back in a war of the machines totally not lifted from the Terminator franchise.
Transformers: 144 Minutes
Transmorphers: 85 minutes
BAC required to confuse the two: 0.15
(Weaving recklessly through traffic, probably pants-less)
Transmorphers: Fall of Man (2009) vs. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Transmorphers: “Taste this, Tin-Head!”
Transformers: “This is not your planet to rule! The Fallen shall rise again!”
Transformers: The planet is under assault once again and this time, you really should consider a Chevy Camaro, or any number of these fine other products from Chevy. LIKE A ROCK!
Transmorphers: It is in the future year Earth 2009, and your Ipad, cell-phone, microwave, and mini-fridge are plotting your eternal demise.
Transmorphers: Black Mayor with strong character, willingness to self-sacrifice
Transformers: Court jesters and fodder for public amusement
BAC Required to confuse the two films: 0.08
(Unsafe to drive, safe to watch)
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a drink: for awkward blue-screen shots
Take a drink: for pointless background narration
Take a drink: for bogus sciencey dialog
Down a Shot: for each on-screen death
Down a Shot: for each senseless plot twist