The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012)

The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012)
The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Two Beers) –

Arrrr you ready for t’other Pirate movie? Shiver me timbers, an’ shore up the main sails.  Avast ye scurvy blaggards, I’m talkin’ bout a film that really splices the mainbrace, fills your pockets with doubloons, and leaves no poop decks unswabbed by sweet-lipped cabin boys.  Or be ye a bilge-sucking landlubber,  always kissing the gunner’s daughter with your addled friends drinking rum and coke and callin it grog?  Well then away with ye, ya feckless gobshite, for I rend your bones to make me hardtack.

ED: Just… stop it.  Pirate talk stopped being funny two years ago.

The Pirate Captain (Hugh Grant) has been woefully unsuccessful in his career, through a combination of bad luck and gross ineptitude.  With his crew including such members as “The Pirate with a Scarf”, “The Pirate with Gout”, “The Albino Pirate”, and “The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate”, he has managed  to capture little more than a cold, and a bad case of scurvy.  The Pirates! Band of Misfits follows the captain’s exploits as he tries to claim the esteemed “Pirate of the Year Award”.

No word on if he applied for this award.

A Toast

Aardman has an excellent track record, and The Pirates! is no exception. The dialog is sharp and witty, and the sight gags are plentiful, so much so that it necessitates requires multiple viewings.  While the studio started producing claymation, they have made a few sojourns into computer graphics.  This film is sort of an amalgamation, using clay in the foreground and CGI in the background, and to create more believable water effects.

What works best about The Pirates! are the well developed and thoroughly humorous characters that populate the film, bolstered of course by voice performances from Salma Hayek, Brian Blessed, and David Tennant.  Even those characters who have less than a couple minutes of screen time are fleshed out quite fully.

Emphasis on flesh…  (Claymation Fapping)

Beer Two

The story can occasionally feel overblown, unfortunately.  It seems that the movie is based on a combination of two novels from author Gideon Dafoe, The Pirates! in an Adventure with Scientists, and The Pirates! in and Adventure with Whaling.  This was perhaps a misstep, as the film is at its best when focusing on absurd humor and situations, which are often delayed in favor of bloated plot contrivances.  There is simply too much story to tell in 88 minutes without sacrifice.

Computer Games are the superior venue for pirate humor, clearly


A wonderfully funny film for any age group, though occasionally tries to do a bit too much for its own good.


Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time the word “Pirate” is used

Anachronism Bingo: remember, this film takes place in the Victorian age, Pirates themselves were a tad anachronistic at this point… Drink whenever you see or hear something that could only have come Twentieth Century.

Do a Shot: for HAM NITE!

Is there anything better? Fuckin’ A, Ham Nite.

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

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