Let me preface this review by saying that I’m not religious. At all. Yet movies involving religion absolutely fascinate me. I’m talking cat-with-a-shiny-ball transfixed. Now… Get thee to a nunnery! More specifically, get thee to St. Katherine’s Roman Catholic Church in San Diego. Sister Act made me a believer; in badass nuns and lounge singers with hearts of gold. I defy you to watch this movie and not have a fucking fantastic time.
Sister Act follows Dolores Van Cartier, a Reno lounge singer, who witnesses her married mobster boyfriend order a hit. After seeing an informant murdered, Dolores goes into witness protection in the last place anyone would ever look for her; a convent. She has some trouble adjusting, but eventually finds her place directing the choir. Dolores breathes new enthusiasm and purpose into the faltering community (and convent). Just when things seem to be working themselves out, a leak in witness protection may put everything in jeopardy.
There’s a rare quality of authenticity about Sister Act, and other films of the same ilk. They exist in a world where the message increasingly gets lost in the medium. There’s tits and ass for the sake of tits and ass, tortured and overworked plots/dialogue due to self-indulgent filmmakers, and, more often than not, movies get made for no other reason than the mighty dolla dolla bill y’all.
Sister Act is pure fun, feel-good humor, and infectious musical numbers. It’s got something for everyone. My 76-year-old father, who almost universally dislikes anything I make him watch, loves this movie. If you can make it through the entire film without bopping your head or tapping your toe along to the performances then you should see a doctor (that stick up your ass can’t be comfortable). The ensemble cast shines, most notably Sister Mary Patrick and Sister Mary Robert, who become besties with Sister Mary Clarence/Dolores. My personal favorite is Mary Patrick (Kathy Najimy), her aggressive enthusiasm and charm take you hostage and slap you upside the head with irrepressible goodwill. I felt dizzy and jazzed about life as I staggered away from the movie. Sister Act was a perfect storm of comedy, great music, and heart. It was witty in the right places, sweet in others, and hilarious throughout. If this movie were a man, I’d date it so hard then marry the shit out of it.
Watching Sister Act is like riding a unicorn that’s vomiting rainbows. It’s magic is undeniable and you can’t help but be captivated by the experience. If you don’t have a blast with this 90s gem, then I’m fairly certain you might be Hitler.
Take a Drink: every time you see a mustache.
Take a Drink: whenever Sister Mary Robert looks anxious or concerned.
Do a Shot: anytime there’s a chase scene or classic movie montage
Take a Drink: every time Mother Superior lays down a burn on Dolores/Mary Clarence.
Shotgun a Beer: if at any point you wonder how the hell Whoopi fit that massive Chia Pet on her head under a wimple.