By: Wonko The Sane (Six Pack) –
Rick Merchant is an underground street racer, struggling to avenge the death of his brother at the hands of evil racer Kayce. Rick is desperate to save enough money to go to college and get his mother and girlfriend out of the hood. If he wins the next big race, the “Sepulveda Suicide”, he can make good on his dreams. Meanwhile, corrupt Officer Flynn approaches Rick with threats to coax him into throwing the race. The action is fast, and the driving is furious. (You see what I did there?)
Word of warning: a case of Natty Ice just won’t cut it for this movie, much less a six pack, so take every beer I award 200 MPH, and multiply it by eight. I will start by saying that the filmmakers did accomplish their goal of making an absolute dead ringer for the Fast and the Furious movie franchise. Truly the only thing separating them is this film’s lack of girl-porn eye candy.
The secret, is to be really, ridiculously good looking…
The story contained within stretches the limits of your patience. While gear heads will be quick to point out the many numerous errors in the “car talk” within the movie, it doesn’t take a genius to notice that the character of Kayce should probably have been apprehended multiple times. His numerous blatant crimes are excused away in the movie by saying that he “owns the cops”… This is a stupid cliché of action movies that is used as an easy way to make the bad guy appear tougher. And considering he is never shown as interacting with anyone who might work for him, the audience is left wondering what makes him a threat to begin with.
Also, Officer Flynn seems jammed in to thicken the plot wherever convenient. First he tries to get Rick to not race, then Flynn bets against him in the race for no obvious reason. If you’re going to have your characters make bad decisions at least have the good sense to give him a motivation for doing so.
Another beer is based on the ridiculous male libido pandering the movie has. The world of 200 MPH is one where even women who work on cars for a living dress like strippers all the time. Ok, I have to say the girls in this movie are definitely hot, even Rick’s mother resides squarely in MILF city, (see the next beer for more on that…) but the utter lack of imagination the whole thing contains reminds me of bad video games. My point is, the objectification factor here is pretty significant, and it doesn’t help things when you hear about the family business…
Rick comes from a hard-working family. His mother for instance works at a strip joint, the same strip joint where Rick’s girlfriend works. I know there was supposed to be something humorous about that, but the way it comes off in the story is awfully creepy. Seriously, why does Rick feel the need to hang out there? In fact why does he even go in? There is such thing as mental scarring, and if you’re tolerance for fucked up shit has built up enough to hang out at the strip club your mom works at… there’s no going back from that. Just saying…
For being college-bound Rick is a pretty dumb person. He forsakes many legitimate ways of paying for school in the name of a potentially deadly get rich quick scheme. I mean, he could just take out $100,000 in student loans and paid them off for the rest of his life in what amounts to indentured servitude, or get his daddy to grease the wheels.
The CGI effects that dominate the crash sequences don’t even match the same shots as the cars in the film. When they can’t even render windows as anything more than opaque grey, you know you’re working with early 90’s technology. This film had some promise in it for at least some good chase sequences and action, had they actually raced the cars around instead of using computer graphics to compensate. Even this would be forgivable if the actors had real dialog to work with and the story had some ounce of originality. But instead we are given the worst of both worlds, it’s a huge shit sandwich, and we’re all going to have to take a bite… any questions?
“Does this mean that Ann Margret isn’t coming?”
If your IQ is above 72 you’re going to need plenty of high proofed lubrication. This is a movie sure to be appreciated by only the dumbest assholes on earth, so in other words, fans of the Fast and the Furious movies.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: whenever someone tells Rick to race/not to race
Take a Drink: for gratuitous ass shots of any female character
Down a Shot: for every badly color-matched effects shot
Take a Drink: for every uncomfortable Asian joke