Julio De Francisco (Five Beers) –
Based on Jamie Reidy memoir “Hard Sell:The Evolution of a Viagra Salesman,” this movie is about a pharmaceuticals salesman who finds himself falling in love with a hard-to-get Parkinson’s patient.Go figure.
For the record, I never found Anne Hathaway attractive and usually when I exclaim this I am asked to “come out of the closet” by my peers.It’s not that she is an unattractive woman – but if you’re into ghost-white doe-eyed fish-lipped women, then by all means dig in!I realize I shouldn’t be judgmental – because I’m no looker.However, in recent years my standards for women have been falling at an alarming rate.There was a time I would not settle for a woman less attractive than Scarlett Johansson.However, with age I now find myself floating between college drop-outs and rural Andean women.If this trend continues, by age 40 I will be trawling the depths of the ocean for magical creatures.Keep this thought in mind when reading my toast.
Tom Hanks knows what I’m talking about!
I raise my first glass of beer to Anne Hathaway’s disrobed body which gets at least 10-15 minutes of show time.Gyllenhaal I could have seen a little less of… For a film whose underlying message was a PSA about Parkinson’s disease (PD), a disorder that impairs motor skills, cognitive processes, and other functions (thank you Wikipedia!), they went farther than it needed to go.One scene in particular shows Maggie (Anne Hathaway) experiencing a powerful orgasm and “Parking Out” simultaneously!And it was… AWESOME!
This second beer was needed upon realizing I had just paid to see a feature-length Pfizer commercial.The film follows Jamie (Jake Gyllenhaal), a sales rep for Pfizer whose main goal is to sell Zoloft, an anti-depressant.While he competes against a sales rep for GlaxoSmithKline he repeats again and again the benefits of taking Zoloft over Prozac.It then morphs into a commercial about Viagra as the product becomes available.The film made efforts to describe the drugs through historical records such as news coverage from that period, but I wasn’t fooled.A scene where Jamie is told, “You’re my little blue pill” was enough to make me glad I had this beer handy.
I had to have another beer when I couldn’t stomach the comedic relief known as Josh Randall (Josh Gad), who is at best a failed Jonah Hill clone.Josh Randall is Jamie’s younger brother who is worth 35 million dollars as a result of his IPO.This third beer will help you survive his puns and bad jokes.This guy is not funny, just gross.In one scene he is caught masturbating to a video of Jamie and Maggie having sex.His reaction was also a bit overblown while complimenting the size of Jamie’s penis.
It’s a little more than infatuation.
The film is a mess.At first I believed the plot was about competing against another pharmaceutical company and winning, then it was about proving he wasn’t a scumbag, then it seemed to be about how old people are being bussed to Canada to buy their drug prescriptions for cheaper, but it comes back to the love and its complexities, and wait, a promotion to Chicago…it was a mess – but the lighting on Anne’s body came out pretty good.In addition to all this, they manage to make light of people struggling with PD by devoting 5 minutes of real life PD patients roasting themselves on a stage which made it seem like it was okay to use Parkinson’s disease as a joke.I may go to hell for this, but….this movie was as messy as a stage 4 Parkinson’s patient trying to wipe his ass.Ah…I feel better.
Watching a grown woman cry over spilled vodka, I couldn’t help but laugh.This scene was supposed to be powerful but I think all the men in the theater were thinking the same thing, “What a waste of booze!”
There’s no crying over spilled milk but it’s perfectly acceptable if it’s vodka.
Don’t watch it.Although, if your girl’s been hankering to see Jake Gyllenhaal’s abs and you’d like a bit of T & A as well, this could work…
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a drink: anytime you see a Pfizer logo
Take a drink: anytime Josh Gad appears
Take a drink: anytime Jake and Anne have sex
Chug a beer: when Anne spills her Vodka on the floor and cries.