By: Julio De Francisco (Three Beers) –
What you should know before you begin drinking:
The Lambert family just moved into a new two-story house.Odd occurrences begin soon after unpacking boxes.They become stranger and more frequent after the son, Dalton (Ty Simpkins) suffers a fall and ends up in a coma.Renai Lambert (Rose Byrne) is a MILF.Three beers will be enough.
The thought of someone entering my home unannounced with some sort of malicious intent scares me like nothing else.This feeling is universal amongst all humans and I believe Insidious did a fantastic job of exploiting that fear.My first glass of beer goes to the scares I actually went through during this film.
Things that are unknown to us scare us the most.Unlike most scary movies that show you bits and parts of a monster throughout the a movie only to disappoint you in the end by revealing a unimpressive CGI dinosaur, Insidious shows you just enough to keep you wondering and doesn’t totally blow it with the finale.It balances mystery and exposure of the ghosts in such a way that it works pretty well. There are a few demons, ghosts, or poltergeist that are noteworthy, and they will scare your ass. They include the man with the face on fire, the old lady with a widow’s veil, the giggling child, and the Mike Meyers-ish ghost face that likes to communicate through a baby monitor.
The dialogue between Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne was mostly painful to watch.One particular scene is when Josh begins coming home late from school and Renai t is waiting for him on the front porch.After the scene I really wondered if the best of the film was over and if it was going to get worse.They move out of the house, which you’re lead to believe is the source of the haunting.
New characters are revealed such as Lorraine Lambert (Barbara Hershey) who I’m guessing had some plastic surgery done and doesn’t fit the part of the concerned grandmother.In addition there’s Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye) who I thought was wonderful and the odd-ball “comedic relief” Specs & Tucker (Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson) who I feared might grow into a duo that would steal the movie but ultimately didn’t.If there was a character that stole the movie it would have been the Old Woman (Philip Friedman) who (if he isn’t already) should be on the old men who look like old lesbians blog.
The further the movie tried to explain The Further, the more beer I needed to cope. Apparently Josh and Dalton Lambert have this ability to travel into a spiritual world called The Further, which is a realm that grows darker the farther you travel from your physical being.If you’re away too long from your body, malevolent spiritual beings can take your body as its host thereby making you lost in The Further forever.The plot of this film turns into a rescue mission once it is known that a man with face of fire wants Dalton’s body which I thought was very Child’s Play-esque. Also, anyone else notice that the demon with the face on fire looked just like Darth Maul?
Insidious is PG-13.Which means if you go to any of the showings between 3PM-7PM, you’ll be surrounded by plenty of screaming teenage girls to mask your own grown man screams.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: anytime you hear a giggle or footsteps
Take a Drink: anytime you see the old woman in a photo
Take a Drink: anytime you hear the word ‘further’
Take a Drink: whenever you see a Jigsaw or Paranormal Activity reference
Take a Drink: anytime Specs & Tucker get scared or share the scene.