By: Henry J. Fromage (Three Beers) –
Any time Guillermo Del Toro’s name is hitched to something I’m going to give it a look, especially if it’s a remake of the flick he considers the scariest of all time, a BBC made for TV movie of all things. Newcomer Troy Nixey has directing duties, but you can see Del Toro’s fingerprints on everything.
The movie follows eight year old Sally as she comes to live with her dad (Guy Pearce) and his girlfriend (Katie Holmes) in an old English-style mansion they’re restoring. Something creepy and terrible lives in the basement, and it really, really likes baby teeth.
This is the only scarier tooth fairy tale I can think of
Right from the opening scene this movie promises to go to some dark, fucked up places, and for the most part it delivers, resulting in some solid scares and a plot that keeps you involved and at the edge of your seat. All of this is delivered in the lush, mythology-steeped style that is Del Toro and his protégés’ specialty.
If you really needed any more of an endorsement than that for a horror film, it’s also a good PSA for showing your kids horror films when they’re young. In the off chance they run into the supernatural, maybe they’ll know not to free ancient creatures from their dark dungeon or tray and make friends with something that keeps a dish of human teeth around.
Or just not to accept candy from Bill down the street
The individual horror sequences are impressive, but the plot definitely earns this beer. You’ve seen it before. You know the little girl’s going to run up a bad decision record to rival the Tea Party’s. The creepy old gardener knows something, but nobody’s going to pay attention to him. The adults are going to chalk up every piece of evidence to a child’s delusions. And in the end, somebody’s going to get their face ate.
Tack this one on if you’ve seen a preview for this. Who markets a film this way? Every trailer I’ve seen has ended in the creepiest scene of the film… and shows a creature’s face. Why not take the opposite approach and market it as an extremely twisted take on the tooth fairy myth while preserving the horror of the creatures’ appearance?
Even if they’re related to the world’s ugliest dog
It can scare you even after you know what to be prepared for. Even a second-string Pan’s Labyrinth lite is a no-brainer watch.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: every time you see a grate
Take a Drink: whenever someone turns out the lights
Take a Drink: each time someone uses a flashlight
Drink a Shot: every time Sally can’t explain herself or properly demonstrate evidence