Take a Drink: whenever a witch appears onscreen.
Do a Shot: for non-Frodo Baggins Elijah Wood.
Do a Shot: for that glorious beard.
Take a Drink: for each flashback scene.
Do a Shot: each time Vin Diesel almost dies.
By: Frankie B. (Three Beers) –
Vin Diesel is one of the few remaining true action stars left in Hollywood. His Fast and Furious franchise is one of the highest-grossing franchises of all time and his Chronicles of Riddick franchise has been successful as well. Anytime that I hear a new Vin Diesel movie is in production, I am instantly intrigued, as most of his movies are incredibly entertaining or at least wildly cheesy.
The Last Witch Hunter follows Kaulder (Vin Diesel), a Witch Hunter, who was made immortal 800 years ago after defeating The Witch Queen. We follow him the present day, as he attempts to defeat any malicious witches that present themselves and threaten the safety of the world. After his handler, 36th Dolan (Michael Caine), is struck down by a powerful curse, Kaulder must confront a major threat from his past.
Vin Diesel playing a heightened version of Vin Diesel never gets old. He is the consummate badass and usually plays the same role in every movie. So here we essentially get Dominic Toretto: Witch Hunter, and you now what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. His delivery is perfect for a cheesy action film and he always elevates the source material from bad to at least enjoyable. I would also be remiss if I didn’t at least mention the glory that is his fake beard in the flashback scenes. That this is fucking majestic.
The supporting cast was underused to say the least. Michael Caine is onscreen for around a total of ten minutes, Elijah Wood is there for the same amount of time, and Rose Leslie doesn’t have the deepest of roles. But what can you really expect from a big budget B-movie about a Witch Hunter? I really wish we would have gotten more time with Caine’s character and seen the history between the 36th Dolan and Kaulder. Maybe we’ll get that if there is a sequel. Also I’m pretty sure that the producers of this movie must be Game of Thrones fans as Rose Leslie essentially plays a witch version of Ygritte.
Plot is not a forte for this movie, at all. You can see where everything is going to end up about 15-20 minutes into the movie. It is a pretty standard guy gets powers, has to defeat evil threat, and you probably know how the rest goes. I’m not saying that the movie was not enjoyable, because it was a lot of fun, but holy shit was it predictable. I really hope that Vin Diesel starts doing higher end projects after Fast & Furious wraps up its third trilogy. Also, the CG was pretty wonky. Not Scorpion King awful, but it was still pretty sub par compared to most productions that have been coming out lately.
The Last Witch Hunter is not scary at all, but it is an enjoyable, action-packed joyride. If you are a fan of Vin Diesel or cheesy action movies, you’re probably going to find this one pretty entertaining.