Take a Drink: every time someone mentions or we see pineapples
Take a Drink: for every Disney-oriented picture of Annie’s boss, Hank, we see.
Take a Drink: for every random moment of singing or song listening.
Do a Shot: every time you see Cameron Diaz’s butt
Do a Shot: for Jason Segal’s junk
Chug: during the rambling list of online porn sites to check out.
By: The Cinephiliac (Five Beers) –
The “sex tape” made its way into the common household vernacular over 20 years ago when Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee took enough time away from doing blow and beating his then newlywed wife, Pamela Anderson, to videotape a trashy rendezvous of the two boating and banging. Although Rob Lowe regrettably began the sex tape trend some years earlier, Pamela and Tommy’s iconography was cemented when their tape went viral, spreading across the internet quicker than Lee could get arrested.
Unbeknownst to the couple, they’d soon grow to become legacies for simply videotaping their dirty, sloppy deeds, spawning an entire culture of attention-starved, money-hungry degenerates looking for their 15-minutes of fame through videotaping what happens behind closed doors. Countless sex tapes of celebrities, or marginally known socialites, broke into the public consciousness, allowing “leaked” sex tapes to sky rocket nearly every participant into the eye of fame and controversy.
Little known fact: 99.5% of celebrity sex tapes involve celebrities that NO one wants to see having sex.
Before Pam, Tommy, and Lowe, sex tapes stayed secret, seemingly non-existent to the masses. But, afterwards everyone wanting to feel sexy or cool rationalized to themselves that making a sex tape would be a great idea: thus the plot of Jake Kasdan’s Sex Tape. Jay (Jason Segel) and Annie (Cameron Diaz) are a couple whose foundation has been built around having an obscene amount of sex. No place was ever too embarrassing, too public, or unsanitary enough to conquer: cars, in the grass on campus, in libraries, anywhere. That is until Annie became pregnant.
Now, three kids and some years later, Annie is a blogger mom whose ramblings may get bought out by the Piper Brothers Corporation, meanwhile she and Jay can’t even remember the last time they’ve had sex. In order to reignite the spark in their sex life they decide to make a sex tape on Jay’s new iPad. Unfortunately, Jay is unaware that a routine sync uploads his videos to anyone in his social circle with an iPad, including the mailman, initiating a hunt for ways to stop the spread of their sex tape.
Sex Tape is a very sex-positive film in an era where America has gone through a strange regression of sexual freedom and acceptance. It looks to ease the general discomfort and embarrassment held by much of society when discussing sex. Sex Tape regurgitates the message that sex is a normal, healthy exploration of bodies and pleasure by showing and talking about the act virtually non-stop. By the end, once we get the chance to see the tape itself, the act seems so commonplace and normal that sex becomes synonymous to a dance between partners. Currently, issues continue to get raised over birth control, breastfeeding in public, and homosexual marriage, but Sex Tape is a reminder that sex is not as big of a deal as we like to make it out to be. Also there are a few moments of genuinely humorous scenes (thanks in part to a two minute spot from Kamail Nanjiani) and at least one scene that made me burst out in laughter.
They were even kind enough to showcase a few dangers of sex.
Sadly, the good moments of Sex Tape are short lived. Much of Sex Tape consists of pretty trite, forced attempts at comedic moments that don’t pan out successfully. In fact, Sex Tape actually made me wonder if Jason Segel lost his humor and Diaz lost her charm. Segel’s comedic moments don’t go beyond anything more than outbursts of songs and his inability to speak in any way other than awkward gibberish. His performance prompted me to debate whether he was ever truly funny; a thought that seems blasphemous in retrospect considering his past work in Undeclared, Slackers, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Likewise, Diaz, who possesses dull glimmers of charming moments in the film, is completely annoying through her character’s airheadish superficiality.
RIP funny Jason Segel. You are missed 🙁
Similarly, I found it hard to buy that Jay and Annie would exist as a real couple, let alone a father and mother. It’s difficult to believe this couple works because the jumbled collaborative script never shows them engaging in any discussion that doesn’t involve sex. Seriously, that’s all they talk about. If it’s not about trying to have sex, it’s them reminiscing about when they did. A drinking game alone on how many times Jay and Annie discuss sex would cause irreparable damage on one’s liver and near-guaranteed poisoning. I doubt these characters know anything about each other’s political leanings. I’m sure the only leaning they are aware of involves Jay’s penis.
I was pretty disappointed by Sex Tape’s fondness for product placement and unabashed advertising. It’s not just any tablet they film their escapades on, it’s an iPad. The reason, according to Jay, is because the image resolution is so remarkable. There’s even a scene in which Annie throws an iPad out the window only so they could include Jay commenting on its structural prowess as no scratches or cracks appear… which I call BS on!
I’ve seen more cracked iProducts that intact ones look fake.
Although Sex Tape is at the bare minimum run-time for a comedy, it still feels like its drags on and loses any entertainment value due to its shallow story. Ultimately, Sex Tape’s biggest issue is its lack of depth in its story. It begins in a believable world where two people’s escapades are at the mercy of an extortionist, but soon morphs into a buffoonish circle jerk of idiotic, irrational moments and advances. Screenwriters Segel, Kate Angelo, and Nicholas Stoller probably should have toked more and drank less while writing the script to ensure sustainable humor.
I expected Sex Tape to be much worse than it is. No doubt, it’s a pretty shitty film, but there are tiny, minuscule moments of gold buried deep within the shit. It’s a tad bit disheartening to see the always likable Diaz and Segel give lazy, unfunny performances, but it’s easy to tell where the fault lies. Sex Tape won’t do much but give you a few giggles and maybe some new porn sites to check out when Xvideos and YouPorn get old.
The king of the horizontal polka… oh wait, that’s just polka.