Moshi Monsters: The Movie (2013)

moshi-monsters-the-movie-posterBy: Katherine Balestrini (Five Beers) –

Here’s a movie for every 5 and under fan of the Moshi Moster phenomenon. It has all your favourite characters like Katsuma, Poppet, etc and they are surrounded in a sea of ever so cute and cuddily Moshlings (small varied creatures). This movie is about Katsuma, self-involved, fame hungry, and the bestselling of all the Moshis I wouldn’t doubt. Who wouldn’t love an orange cat like thing? Katsuma’s dream of being a star is encouraged by the evil Dr. Strangeglove who has stolen a moshling egg!!!!! Drama doesn’t get thicker than this.


A Toast

This film is certificate U and this means that it should have gone straight to TV, possibly Cartoon Network, or worse still Boomerang!!!  The kids should like it, though.

Beer Two

Whilst you shouldn’t really be drinking through a kids movie, this movie inspires you to drink. The movie is full of predictable story lines that quite frankly patronise a generation of minors who are better on Ipads than most adults!! A little more effort with the plot would have maybe, just maybe made it more bearable for adults to sit through as it is still illegal to send 5 year olds to the cinema without an adult!!!


Beer Three

The musical numbers!!! Holy fucking hell!!!! These are so bad, they make Disney look like masters of their craft; hell, The Muppets would be embarrassed going to see this drivel!!!


Kids would rather see Moshis than us!!! Something is wrong!!!

Beer Four

The graphics.  In a world of 3D (and yes I am grateful it wasn’t in 3D) and computer animated dragons of AWESOME, did they think they could get away with such dreadful graphics? Shame on you, whoever made it. Sure, I could look it up, but I simply do not want to encourage them to make another movie by mentioning their name.


Smaug: a proper use of animation!

Beer Five

To the disgraceful fact that this was basically a massive advert ! Not one part of the movie do they fail to mention a cacophony of various characters of Moshlings that will get any parent in debt for the next 20 years!!!!


Sure, Moshi’s aren’t that expensive!! But there are So MANYYYY



The film is shit, with a capital SHIT!!! But saying that, the children I took with me, 5, 4, and another 5 year old, truly loved it.  They thought it was funny, cute, and ‘THE BEST MOSHI MOVIE EVER!!!’.


Writing the words THE MOVIE, helps children realise that they are going to the cinema to see a movie!!! Surely going into the cinema would do that!!

That may be kids, it is also they only Moshi movie ever. In fact, in the credits they had a list of people who did the voices (about 6 people) with a line saying, “other voices used were members of the crew”!!!  I seriously cannot believe I paid to watch this. This movie would be the reason people download, if unlike Game of Thrones anyone cared enough to copy it in the first place!!!!


Wishing to be killed is a far better thing than watching the Moshi Monster Movie!

Drinking Game

(First, put any children to bed if you are watching the DVD, because NO ONE would pay to see this at the movies, except the best of parents.)

Take a Drink: for watching past the credits!

Do a Shot: every time a character makes a terrible pun

Take a Drink: every time Katsuma says ‘me’

Do a Shot: every time Poppet sings!!

Drink a Whole Bottle of Whatever You Want: IF you manage to watch the whole 1 hour 20 minutes!!!

About Katherine Balestrini

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