Movies don’t often piss me off, not legitimately anyway. Sure, I’ll play up anger towards a movie every now and again but so rarely does a movie come along that drives me to a point of anger where I feel obligated to review it. Magic Magic is without a doubt the worst movie I have seen in quite some time… and I recently saw Marlon Wayans’ A Haunted House twice. I’ll give you a second for that to sink in.
***Spoilers below, but you’ll thank me later***
As far as I’m concerned, the trailer for this fuckin’ thing is the most entertaining thing to come out of it. (Hell, paint drying would be more entertaining.) I wouldn’t be sitting here talking about this movie if I hadn’t watched this trailer. Despite the fact that it’s a completely misleading trailer, it’s about as much falsely implied serial killer Michael Cera as you’ll ever need.
If there’s one thing that pisses me off more than anything as a movie goer, it’s having my time wasted. Magic Magic began wasting my time from the very first frame. It wasted no time in wasting my time. Our story begins with seemingly normal Alicia who comes to Chile to visit her cousin Sarah who lives there with their friend Brink played by Michael Cera and some other people. Sarah has to leave… like right away and leaves her cousin with complete strangers in a country wholly new to her. The rest of the movie is somebody losing their god damn mind. And it’s not Michael Cera like the trailer implies. Wikipedia puts it as “Suffering from insomnia, Alicia begins to lose her grip on what is real and what is not.”
A movie based on true events can be a big gamble. Magic Magic‘s biggest problem when it comes to this being an issue is, “Was this worth making a movie about? Was this worth weeks out of your life to make? Was this worth investing an hour and a half of my time in as a viewer?” The answer to all these questions is no. The movie would much sooner pussyfoot around delusional mind-fuckery rather than present an engaging concept or character. When its not being unbearably dull and meandering in the name of making its audience uncomfortable, the movie is going to great lengths to be needlessly confusing about what is and what isn’t hallucination.
… What do you mean it’s not based on true events? Well I’ve been doing my research as I tend to do when I write reviews and Wikipedia says “Based on an urban myth about a vacationing girl in a hostel in Brazil.” When I first thought this was based on true events, I thought that made it worse… but no. At least if this shit had happened, you can give them a few points for trying. If this had actually happened and the writer/director knew this person and wanted this story to be told, I could ease up a bit. I can’t do that. Somehow it NOT being based in truth is what makes it worse.
Stuck between a bump on a log and a stick in the mud
The whole movie is riding on whether or not you buy into this mindfuck… I do not. Beer Five seems like an odd point to go on about what actually happens in the movie but fuck it. (This movie gives no fucks so why should I?) Alicia is a nutbar because she has insomnia. She starts sleepwalking and doing things that she is unaware she’s doing… like going into Michael Cera’s room in the middle of the night, pulling her pants down and rubbing his face in her crotch. Who’s this trailer pinning as the bad guy again? More meandering happens, Michael Cera tries to kiss her, and she rejects him to his complete and utter confusion. None of this shit matters. What really matters is there’s a part where she can’t make this jump off a cliff into some water… and then later she does it and goes literally and figuratively off the deep end.
And then she dies. Yeah. Sorry for the major spoiler but… that’s how it ends. They take her to a witch doctor and she dies. Fuck this movie.
Bullshit, bullshit, BULLSHIT. It’s really difficult for me to figure out a movie if the script hasn’t even got it figured it out. If you want to make a movie that’s sole intention is to mindfuck and make me uncomfortable, you better have something to prop up that weak aspiration. I don’t care what but SOMETHING. There are movies like The Dark Backward, The Comedy, and The Trash Humpers that create an atmosphere of discomfort, challenge your way of thinking-in the case of Trash Humpers even challenge your ability to endure-the structure of films and how far an audience will accompany these intentions. Magic Magic seems to just want to execute these elements alone and give a big middle finger to every other necessary aspect of telling a story. This movie is so devoid of personality, it makes me want to rip my hair out. Despicable, confused, thoughtless and outright unpleasant-and not for the reasons the movie would like it to be. In short, a total waste of time.
Take a Drink: when you want to punch Michael Cera in the face
Take a Drink: when you want to punch Alicia in the face
Do a Shot: when you want to punch the movie in the face (Alcohol poisoning WILL ensue)