By: Henry J. Fromage (Six Pack) –
A few weeks ago I got together with Oberst, SG2, and Bill Leon to produce a film commentary bridging three continents. What film did we choose for what would have been such an incredible accomplishment even a decade ago? (Damn, technology moves fast.) As Bill Leon quite accurately refers to it, McDonalds E.T.
Mac & Me is the bastard child of the worse impulses rising out of 80s culture and commercialism, with a sopping helping of the mailman’s genetic material that is plagiarism. For reasons unknown, the U.S. space program vacuums up a little alien and his family, allows them to escape into society, then expends minimal effort in tracking them down. Mac hitches on with a suburban family that I’m pretty sure lives in the exact same neighborhood as Elliott, and discovers all of the wonders human civilization has to offer, namely McDonalds and Coca-Cola, which may or may not be the only foodstuff back on his home planet. Is Coca-Cola extraterrestrial in origin? Is that why that recipe’s so secret?
You have to admit, this movie has the big, fat, perfectly round balls that a corporation would sport if Mitt Romney was right about them being real people, and it’s unafraid of teabagging you right in the face.
Also, it’s nice seeing Batboy getting work
Fuuuuck these aliens are the thing of nightmares. Instead of going animatronics, they went cheap rubber, dead-eyed suits that are wrong in all of the right ways. There’s never a moment when these things are on screen that isn’t compulsively, regrettably watchable. Something akin to rubbernecking the aftermath of a head-on collision of a shortbus and an emu farm trailer.
E.T. with Porphyria? Burn Victim Yoda? You decide
For a movie that was clearly made for only one purpose in mind, to shill shit, they sure don’t much of a budget (or didn’t spend it on the creative types anyway). EVERYTHING about this film is painfully second-hand. Nevermind the fact that this is clearly E.T. right down to the locations. The cheesy 80s soundtrack full of songs that sound like hits of the era, the trail of sugary junk to lure the alien in (in this, it’s cups of Coca-Cola with straws, no shit), hell, as Oberst pointed out, the kid can’t even watch The Smurfs.
It had to be The Snorks
About that shameful, shameful salesmanship. Make no mistake, this movie’s existence is due to one thing only- trying to move some sweet, sweet McDonalds and Cocamacola. Coke must have paid the lion’s share, because besides the already mentioned stuff, this syrup water is the actual Deux Ex Machina that saves Mac’s family. Uggh. As for McD’s, besides that title of course, their presence is essentially a mid-feature commercial ripped screaming from the 80s, right down to the smiling interracial youths having a dance off in the parking lot. I guess they got that part right.
They’re not having dance-offs in my McDonald’s parking lot, though
About that McDonald’s commercial… this is what it looks like.
For those of you who can’t watch it, just imagine if John Wayne Gacy’s ghost clad in a shoddy bearskin showed up to punish a kid for having the temerity to hold his birthday party in a McDonald’s. His punishment takes the form of ritualized dance on the counter. Everybody present knows that when the dance ends, they all will die. Especially Ronald McDonald in the corner there. He’s been praying for this moment for years.
The director knew that, deep within, Mac & Me harbored the soul of only the most depraved of snuff films. So, he tries to warn us by shooting with bizarre horror film angles and techniques. Letting us know, that when the bear suit shows up, our march towards death accelerates. If it we’re lucky, it’ll be a quick one.
I’m waiting for you… ON THE OTHER SIDE.
Take a Drink: every time someone busts a pane of glass
Take a Drink: whenever you see something referencing Chicago
Take a Drink: product placement bingo!
Take a Drink: every time Mac is physically abused
Do a Shot: whenever Mac gets sucked/vacuumed into something
Do a Shot: whenever someone should die, but doesn’t
Chug a Coke (Your Choice of Mixer): during the McDonald’s Dance Party scene