Take a Drink: every time someone cheers on the slasher.
Take a Drink: every time you want to turn the movie off so you don’t need to hear Andy Dick’s voice.
Take a Drink: for every washed up actor/actress that you recognize.
Do a Shot: for every torture scene.
Do a Shot: when you realize none of the characters have names.
By: Frankie B. (Five Beers) –
This movie bills itself as a biting social satire of Reality TV and those who are “famous for being famous”. I guess this description would appeal to the group that makes fun of reality stars on a daily basis. The possibility of seeing Drake Bell get killed on-screen and see some titties is what ultimately drew me to this shitbox of a movie.
L.A. Slasher follows a bunch of washed up “reality stars” as they are hunted down one by one. The “L.A. Slasher” is seemingly obsessed with reality television and bringing some type of justice to those that have benefited from being a part of it. None of the characters have a name, so…….. On with the review.
The best thing about this movie is the way that it was shot. The whole premise of the movie revolved around reality TV, so that is the way that it is shot. They even make sure to include the “whoosh” noise used by TV shows when they zoom in. I wish the rest of the movie had the same attention to detail, but it doesn’t. Also, if the use of Andy Dick as the voice of the L.A Slasher was supposed to make me root against him, than the creators of this movie certainly did a good job with that.
The idea of seeing a bunch of hack actors get tortured and murdered on-screen certainly sounded appealing when I was getting ready to watch this movie. Too bad that it turned out to be pretty shitty in the gore department. When crafting a horror movie that is rated R, don’t cut away from every kill right before it happens. Danny Trejo and Dave Bautista combining to be the best part of your movie is generally not a good sign of the overall quality of the movie. Their combo seemed like it would have been good in a buddy cop movie. A really shitty buddy cop movie, but a buddy cop movie nonetheless.
Of all of the people you could cast to headline your movie, you choose Mischa Barton? Great call with that one. The acting in this is about that same quality as a below average episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I didn’t take the time to count, but it felt like each of the characters each had 10 lines or less of dialogue.
It really would have been great if the killer would have spoken a single line out loud, instead of every line being an internal monologue. Factor in that the mask that he wears looks like the face of a mannequin, and he might weigh 120 lbs soaking wet, and you get one hell of a murder machine (don’t mind the sarcasm). Did Andy Dick’s drive me to drink at least two of these beers? Yes. Did his voice also make me want to find him, and then punch him in the dick? 100%, Yes.
Drake Bell not getting murdered = Complete bullshit
Tori Black not showing at least one titty = Double complete bullshit
Full disclosure, the inclusion of Danny Trejo saved this movie from getting the Six Pack treatment.
Go to Netflix. Go to the Horror drop down. Choose literally any movie, and it will probably have more entertainment value than this.