I Am Here…. Now (2009) Movie Review: Is Neil Breen the Most Entertaining Filmmaker Working Today?

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for… spiritual?… metaphors?

Take a Drink: for stock footage

Take a Drink: for healing/freezing powers

Take a Drink: when it’s Planet of the Apes Mask Time

Take a Drink: for human vices and crimes

Take a Drink: for stage blood

Take a Drink: for roses and doll heads

Take a Drink: whenever ladies yammer about lady things.  If there’s anything Neil Breen knows, it’s women.

Take a Drink: whenever The Government, Lawyers, or Corporations cockblock the World

Do a Shot: whenever Neil Breen solves all the world’s problems

Community Review


Movie Review

By: Almond Black (Two Beers) –

Almost a month has passed since the birthday of Neil Breen, and the world has yet to burst into celebratory congratulation, or spontaneously erect monuments worthy of the man.  It’s almost as if most people have no idea a true artistic titan just reached the 30th year since he descended from Heaven above.

Fateful Findings-Film

Breen’s exact birth year is unknown, but it’s well established he’s the same age as this actress.

I Am Here…. Now is Breen’s latest and most masterful of masterpieces.  In it, he stars as a mysterious being who created human life, and who has returned to Earth to judge what he has wrought.  He’s not God, though, but something existentially possible even more profound- an alien robot zombie ape man.

A Toast

For Hollywood, this is about as coherent a belief system as you can ask for, and Breen embodies a benevolent creator who cares about the environment, magically de-aging cripples, having hot sex in a Planet of the Apes mask, crucifying gangbangers and corrupt bankers, and aimlessly wandering the Vegas strip.


No bilking idiots out of millions, but not all of us can be as successful at religioning as ‘ol L. Ron

Toast Two

Fuck Shane Carruth, Breen really does it all- not just acting, producing, and directing, but also serving as Music Supervisor and Caterer. I mean, it’s probably Subway, every day, but still.  This do it all aesthetic is reflected in his auteur’s grasp of themes and symbolism.  Like all of the greats, your Kubricks, Spielbergs, and Malicks, a Neil Breen film, with its Las Vegas stock footage shots, Christ imagery, corrupt government and business concerns, and cheap breakable laptops, is immediately identifiable.

Toast Three

I Am Here… Now adds to those master touches a slower-paced, even more evocative patina of sweeping nature shots, highly repetitive voiceover, and spiritual overtones.  He’s become Terence Malick… for the rest of us.


If this scene doesn’t bring you to tears, you’re a stone

Toast Four

Like all great art films, it’s pretty much impossible to tell what’s going on.  There’s a strong environmental message, or at least Breen’s pretty sure drugs, cleavage, Bud Light, and unlit cigarettes are bad for the environment, and the way his street gang contains hoods, mom-jeaned barflies, and business suit-clad bankers sends a strong social message as well.

Toast Five

The flatness of the acting really conveys modern existential ennui, and has become a hallmark of Breen’s filmography.  I also like how his Zombie Caesar mask accurately portrays the beast within us all.


How all of our O-faces really look, I suspect.

Toast Six

I Am Here… Now also contains Breen’s strongest female characters, solar energy engineers who immediately turn to prostitution when laid off from their jobs.  Their shopping-obsessed dialogue both passes the Bechdel Test and clearly demonstrates Breen’s understanding of the female psyche.


Neil Breen touched me today.  He touched me in a very special place.

Six Pack

About Almond Black

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