Take a Drink: before you realize you’ve been duped.
Down a Bottle: after you realize you’ve been duped.
Take a Drink: when you feel like you’re watching a TV show
Do a Shot: when that catchy theme song plays
Do a Shot: in memory of and simultaneous pity of Mel Blanc
By: Bill Leon (Six Pack) –
You think you’ve seen a movie say fuck you to kids before? Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You haven’t seen a god damn thing until you’ve seen the ambivalent BALLS on Heathcliff: The Movie.
Heathcliff: The Movie is just episodes of the TV show strung together one after another. Self-contained story after self-contained story with a weak bookend where Heathcliff is telling these stories to his nephews on a rainy day. How fucking lazy do you have to be to just use TV show episodes and call it TV Show: The Movie??? As a kid when I realized I had been duped, I was pissed.
Heathcliff is the face of evil…
In one of the biggest hints that what you’re about to see is just recycled shit from TV, the movie actually opens up with the theme song sequence with the same animation from the show. There is something hypnotic and entertaining about 80s cartoon theme songs. Heathcliff had a good opening sequence and it was great to see it again.
Care Bears, Pound Puppies, Rainbow Brite, My Little Pony, FUCKING GO-Bots created original material for their theatrical films. Go-Bots has more integrity than you, Heathcliff.
If all that wasn’t enough, they even have episodes in here that use the same premise multiple times- that being Heathcliff auditioning for a cat food commercial hoping to win a lifetime supply. Even when CHOOSING episodes for your movie, you fucked that up too.
This movie made two million dollars… Who says zero effort can’t yield rewards?
The bookend anthology movie structure behind why we’re just watching a marathon of Heathcliff TV episodes… it’s nowhere to be found in between the episodes. The episodes start and stop as they please, the movie doesn’t bother to let you know one has ended or another has begun.
Fuck you, DIC Entertainment. Episodes of the TV Show? Really?