Girl Most Likely (2013)

By: Felix Felicis (Two Beers) –

Life’s a bitch… And then we die. And in the middle we drink and we fuck and we make the ride to hell worth the price of admission. There’s pain and there’s truth and there’s fisting (if you find that weird room at the party no one ever expects to walk into) but mostly life is a collection of the absurd and the fucked up and the search for the people that’ll hold our hair back when we puke. Because that’s love… And that’s all a motherfucker wants, is to be loved (probably also to shit money and fart gold, but mostly to be loved). Enter Indie films. A genre built on the offbeat, the quirky, the reflection of those truths we don’t ever look too hard in the mirror at, lest we see ourselves framed in them. Goddamn, sometimes I’m a deep motherfucker. I blame tequila and three out of four dentists recommending I floss. But I digress.


Girl Most Likely follows a breathtakingly broken Imogene, as the facade of a perfect life implodes around her, leaving her shell-shocked and stranded in the last place she ever wanted to be (and the only place she needed to go)… Home. Thrust back into a life she left behind, Imogene must navigate the disturbing waters of family secrets, alcohol-induced soul-searching, and an occasional anger-bang with the hot stranger living in her childhood room. Nothing is as it seems and everything is both more, and less, than she could’ve ever expected. Will Imogene find value in the past, and family, she ran away from? Will she bring back the retro-fabulous 80’s halter dress? Will Shia LaShit ever make me NOT want to rage-punch a baby? No, the answer to that last one is no.

A four scoring a ten? Yeah. That seems legit.

A Toast

Kristen Wiig has a niche. And that niche is filled with sad clowns crysturbating to Super Troopers. Nobody does “funny sad sack” better than The Wiig and Girl Most Likely is a glorious return to form for Wiig that illustrates her beauty, wit, charm and uncanny ability to make you want to junk-punch her then be best friends. We’re totally on for mani/pedis later, right girl? Cool. Wiig embodies and encapsulates the best and worst of the human condition as Imogene; taking you along with her for a ride you won’t soon forget. Not even if you get super wasted at a co-worker’s going-away party before “accidentally rounding third base with her super foxy father” then “passing out three blocks away under a bench and waking up next to a hobo taking a piss”… Hypothetically.


Also of note were enthralling performances by the supporting cast, rooted in the transparency of truth, and shallow harshness, of human nature. From the simple to the complex, the touching to the heartbreaking; the cast in Girl Most Likely delivered a film that made me give a shit about who these people were and what happened to them. The last time that occurred, I’m pretty sure the first hipster was crawling out of primordial ooze, clutching a Starbucks Venti Non-Fat Non-Dairy Gluten-Free Hypoallergenic Latte. Each and every role was significant in its own way, creating a synergy of depth and impact to the film, most notably by Christopher Fitzgerald as Ralph (Imogene’s brother). Fitzgerald exuded innocent charm mixed with worldly wisdom, all wrapped up in a sweet, unassuming, demeanor that hit my emotional solar plexus so hard I projectile-vomited adorable kitten memes for a week. Honorable mention to Darren Criss for shaking off the shackles of Glee and knocking it out the park with humor, relatable quirk, and abs for daaaaaaaaays. BRB. Gotta go pet my ficus, I mean water my car, I mean walk my lamp.

*wins hipster*
*wins hipster*

Beer Two

The Beauty in the Beast of an Indie film is that it bitch-slaps the formula of mainstream media right in the tit, or dick, as the gens may be. And because it breaks that mundane chokehold of bland expectations, without a flawless execution of plot, wrapping up the loose ends in an Indie flick (much like luring Lindsay Lohan to the nearest rehab facility) is not dissimilar to herding cats through a field of Jell-O using a taser… Allegedly. No cats were harmed in the writing of this review.


Girl Most Likely ended almost on a throwaway note that felt slightly inauthentic to the momentum it spent building up to over the course of the film. Without the safety net of a cookie-cutter ending, audiences were left at the finale of this movie to make of it what they could. And I made whoopee pies with a side of “Underwhelmios” (think Cheerios that taste like regret); though this was a minor hiccup in the engrossing tale of a girl and her percocet.

Life: Bonus Level Percocet
Life: Bonus Level Percocet



Buy this, rent this, watch it however you can. Girl Most Likely will leave a mint on your pillow and cash on your nightstand (like all the best hookers do). Two puckered Indie nips way, way up.

Word, Brosky, Word.

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time Imogene gets cooter-punched by life.

Do a Shot: for every prison-bitch teardrop/whenever you hear about Peter being Dutch.

Take a Drink: whenever they bring up Imogen’s suicide note/fellowship/potential as a playwright.

Take a Drink: for Imogene’s secret hole/every time she gets reflective (literally).

Shotgun a Beer: when the showdown at the Ho-kay Corral goes down.

About Felix Felicis

Filled with smart-assed sass and armed with the expletives to prove it, Felix Felicis is a critic adrift in a sea of dirty thoughts and tawdry humor. If you see her float by, toss Felix some beef jerky and a taser. She'll take it from there.

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