By: Henry J. Fromage (Five Beers) –
It’s been three weeks since the last CGI Babysitter was released (a Nut Job movie, no less) and it’s early Fall, so you know what that means.
Time for some cheap horseshit!
Yep, Leap! will scratch that shit the kids up itch/virulent rash for ya. It stars Elle Fanning as an orphan who wants to be a ballerina and a Dane DeHaan as an orphan who wants to be an inventor in a steam-punk-adjacent turn of the century Paris! The kids will love that shit, right?
This production clearly spent a lot on the background animation at least, which is bordering on photorealistic in places- there was some real talent and processing power wasted on this one.
Too bad the character animation is so herky jerky and often immensely ugly. This comes from the European school of make every non-hero look as distended and nightmarish as possible.
Oh fuck no.
The character animation really tells you all you need to know about how simplistic this movie is- ugly characters are evil or comic relief, even before we learn anything about them. There’s some too little, too late correction of this that keeps it from being downright reductive, but overall the story hits the exact beats you predicted they would from the trailer without exception.
The action sequences belong in Looney Tunes world. Characters fall from great heights or suffer what should be severe concussions several times to no real ill effect, but we’re supposed to believe dancing is a difficult physician activity that causes pain and takes physical dedication? Why not just strap on a wooden rocket to make those pirouettes extra fancy?
Ugly face people fall down, boy hit head on bell, make loud noise, farts! That’s the extent of the humor on display here. It’s positively cynical.
Leap! is exactly what it looks like- a mediocre-to-bad foreign-produced swipe at parents’ wallets strategically released with no competition.
Leap! (2017) Drinking Game
Take a Drink: Derp! Physical “comedy”!
Take a Drink: for each new achievement in butt-ugly character design
Take a Drink: for passive aggression
Take a Drink: for pop songs
Take a Drink: for beyond tired cliches
Take a Drink: for pigeons
Take a Drink: for the dumb “depressed elephant” line
Do a Shot: just… all the time