By: Movie Snurb –
Who doesn’t love a bad film? Those films that are so bad that they become enjoyable. I’m not talking about guilty pleasure films, those bad movies that you genuinely enjoy. These are films that you enjoy almost ironically. A while back I discovered a podcast called How Did This Get Made?, it’s a podcast hosted by three people Paul Scheer, his wife June Diane Raphael, and their friend Jason Mantzoukas. They watch bad movies and then talk about them in a hilarious manner. They don’t trash them, you can tell they’re film lovers, they appreciate all films. No one knows why they decided to endure this pain and suffering, but it’s thoroughly enjoyable to listen to. I discovered most of these films through this podcast and couldn’t recommend it more. Go check it out and enjoy six of my favorite bad movies.
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Starting off with a doozy of a film. Angela is sent to live with her aunt after her family suffers a horrible boating accident. Angela is sent to summer camp with her cousin and shortly after arriving “bad” people begin to die. I don’t know where to begin with this film, from the over-the-top acting to the insane plot. Also, the opening is bananas and there’s a random gay love story that is just thrown in unconnected to the rest of the plot. Most of the storylines are just thrown together as if two drunk kids were attempting to write their first horror film. I think my favorite part of this film is the insane aunt; her performance is hilarious and she’s clearly performing to the balcony. The ending reveal scene will either terrify you or put you on the floor from laughing. I’m betting the latter.
Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. – Sierraveza
For this film you’re going to need a good summer beer. This Sierraveza will be perfect to quench your thirst and keep you cool during the summer. It will also keep you cool during this insane slasher film.
Oh man, Nic Cage how do I love thee? Let me count thy ways. Out of all of Nic Cage’s performances throughout his career this is hands down his most batshit crazy. Nic Cage plays some type of publishing executive who one night is having sex with a woman and while they’re getting busy she bites his neck. From then on he thinks he’s slowly becoming a vampire. My favorite part of this film? Nic Cage’s performance. The face that became a meme, his reciting the alphabet at a more than high volume, his running through the streets of NY while yelling “I am Vampire!!”, to him going around the streets asking people to kill him because he’s a vampire. Which during the two latter scenes he’s asking real New Yorkers because they didn’t close the streets which, honestly, probably isn’t the craziest thing to happen to a New Yorker. This is a must see for anyone.
Anchor Brewing – Blackberry Daze IPA
This blackberry daze will pair perfectly with Vampire’s Kiss. It’s “dazed” mixture of hops and blackberries will put you in the perfect mindset to watch a bonkers Nic Cage performance. Plus, that rare ruby pink color is very fitting for this vampire flick.
Drugs, martial arts, Ninjas, Miami (for like 2 minutes), then Orlando. Music about friends, and shirtless 80’s dudes. Do I have your attention yet? A rock band made up of marital artists, oh and they’re all orphans/orpans. A gang of motorcycle ninjas are running the drug trade through Orlando and these rocking orphan martial artist good guys will do anything to stop them. This film was discovered by an Alamo Drafthouse employee on Ebay. It had a one-week theatrical run in 1987 in LA and then was buried until this employee found it and made it a cult classic. I can’t really say what my favorite part about this film is. It should be taught in film schools to teach students how not to make a film. This really is the best example of a film being so bad it’s good. This is a film everyone needs to see before they die.
MIA Beer Co. – Ultra Mix
Another beer picked from this brewery, what can I say? It’s a Miami based brewery and this film takes place in Miami for about 5 minutes. Plus, if you drink enough of these maybe you’ll be inspired to sing “Friends”, the awesome song from Dragon Sounds.
Never Too Young to Die
Ooof what the hell is this film? A secret agent is murdered so his estranged son (played by John Stamos) who is a gymnast in HS or college, I’m not sure, teams up with his Dad’s old partner to thwart the plans of a gang lead by a hermaphrodite played by Gene Simmons. He wants to take away the water supply from LA. Yeah, it’s a crazy as it sounds. Gene Simmons is unpleasant in this film and John Stamos’ sex scene is gross; the film is absolute bananas. There are definitely bad films that I enjoyed more, but this one has to be seen to be believed. The image of Gene Simmons as his “drag” persona Velvet Von Ranger is an image that will be burned into your brain for years to come, not to mention his laugh/scream. Go watch the trailer and make your decision, but it’s definitely worth a watch.
Vermont Hard Cider Co. – Woodchuck Amber Draft Cider
This pick will only make sense when you see the film. Who knew apples could be so… sexy? That’s the word I’m looking for right? Or maybe gross, either way this amber cider is delicious and will hopefully make you forget about Gene Simmons in drag.
The Island of Dr. Moreau
David Thewlis plays a man who is brought to an island inhabited by weird animal/human hybrids produced by an experimental doctor played by Marlon Brando and his assistant scientist played by Val Kilmer. This is an absolute mess and much more enjoyable to watch if you’ve first seen the documentary about the making of this film titled Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Moreau. They cover everything from Brando being Brando and having his lines fed through an ear piece which would periodically pick up a police scanner with Brando repeating the dispatch, resulting in filming scenes over and over. Or Kilmer reading the script and wanting to be in the movie less. Or poor Fairuza Balk trying to sneak on an airplane because she didn’t want to be in the movie anymore and the film crew chased her and caught her at the airport. You need to see this film!
Ballast Point Brewing Co. – Mango Even Keel
For this tropical film I wanted to go with a nice fruity beer. This delicious mango taste will make you forget you’re seeing Brando in white paint, and only wearing white paint so his stand-in could do most of his scenes. Yeah, it’s insane, so just enjoy your beer and don’t think about the movie too hard.
Saving the best for last, widely considered the “Citizen Kane” of bad films, The Room is in its own league of bad films. Johnny is an “All-American” banker(?) who lives in a townhouse in San Francisco with his fiancé Lisa. However, Lisa is cheating on Johnny with his best friend Mark. Johnny finds out and his world spirals out of control. My favorite part of this film is absolutely when Johnny tells a horrific story about a bunch of guys beating a woman and then laughs about it for no apparent reason. But there is bad movie gold everywhere to be found in this gem. The mother has cancer “twist”, the amazing floral shop scene that’s ADR’d so poorly it’s looks like an old English-dubbed martial arts film. There is just too much to cover, we just need to thank Tommy and Greg for making this masterpiece. May I suggest a double feature of this and then The Disaster Artist about the making of this film, because that story is just as crazy.
Dogfish Head Craft Brewery – American Beauty
For the “All-American” boy Tommy he needs a good American beer. So, for The Room I decided to go with American Beauty from Dogfish Head Brewery. Also, on the Dogfish website they say this beer pairs well with Jambalaya, which is perfect because Tommy claims he is from Louisiana. So, make some Jambalaya, get this beer, and enjoy the worst movie ever made.