By: Hawk Ripjaw –
I feel like we all got sort of swept up in the hype of this movie’s marketing, which, to its credit, did exactly what marketing should do. The trailers are cut brilliantly, weaving the most iconic songs of Queen through recreations of their most iconic performances. It focuses on Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury, which will most assuredly be a fantastic performance. Let’s face it, Malek has yet to do wrong, and even elevated Night at the Museum. I don’t think I’ve ever had a moderate sexual attraction to a reanimated Egyptian pharaoh, but I do now.
Unfortunately, there are factors at play here that make me very nervous. First, this is directed by Bryan Singer, so went AWOL halfway through filming and someone else had to take over. Singer, of course, has also been one of the many Hollywood bigshots accused 0f sexual assault. Second, the movie started as a Sacha Baron Cohen-led biopic intended to be an intense look at the life and death of Mercury, but Queen the band refused that perspective and wanted a movie about the band itself, leading to Cohen’s departure. The result is something that looks significantly more generic.
I really do not like Bryan Singer, but I love Rami Malek. I don’t know what to do.
I’ll maintain that I think the trailer for Nobody’s Fool is funnier than that of Night School, as is the concept. That doesn’t mean that I think Nobody’s Fool is going to be a funny movie. I have a long, antagonistic and torturous relationship with Tyler Perry’s Madea movies. I reacted to the news that Perry was retiring the Madea character like I imagine Narnia reacted when hearing the White Witch was slain. There was rejoicing, and a big-ass feast with a talking lion. Unfortunately, the disappearance of Madea doesn’t mean that Perry can’t continue to assault us with lazily written comedies apparently designed to squeeze out enough money before everyone else catches on.
While the trailer for Nobody’s Fool is better than that of Night School, it’s still advertising a movie that looks awful. The story kernel is decent–a workaholic woman potentially getting catfished gets dragged to confront him by her erratic ex-con sister. The characters themselves seem grating, the dialogue weirdly predictable, and there’s a good chance that the trailer is hiding a much more traditional Perry movie. While I am doomed to watch the remaining Madea movies, I have no reason to see this one.
Please, Tiffany Haddish, go back to making good movies.
The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland film is a movie I hated with such a profound passion that I almost felt guilty. I actually thought the sequel was okay. The weirdness felt a little more calculated and Sacha Baron Cohen as Time was great fun. Unfortunately, Disney is still hell-bent on riding the gravy train of effects-laden live action adaptations. Back when The Princess and the Frog reignited 2D animated movie nostalgia, Disney was planning on releasing a 2D animated movie every few years. But then Alice in Wonderland happened, shoving its offensive effects and unpleasant “creative liberties” with Lewis Carroll’s stories into our faces, and making over a billion dollars doing it.
Disney promptly decided that nostalgic 2D animated movies can fuck right off, and proceeded to see how many other old-school properties it can dig into like a school of ravenous piranha. Not content with literally reproducing their own animated classics into live action, Disney is now targeting anything they can get their mitts on for a very loose effects-laden family adventure. At this point, we’re going to get Schindler’s List: The Door in the Sky or maybe a remake of Song of the South starring Johnny Depp as Uncle Remus (thanks to our very own Oberst for that one). The Nutcracker looks as awful as the worst of them, and a continuation of Disney’s troubling habit of crapping out cold, badly-written movies with special effects swapped in for actual character development. But the trailer does feature a giant robot that looks like Helen Mirren, and that’s… mildly irresistible.
Man, this is going to be so bad, but after The Nutcracker in 3D, one of the actual worst movies ever made, I’m curious.