Ken’s Movie Diary 2018: Week 4

Shituary continues with the worst movies from good directors!

29. Accidental Love (2015)

David O’Russell allegedly disowned this film after a series of funding blunders, but after Six Beers, perhaps you can tell me whether he disowned this film because it sucks?

30. Popeye (1980)

Robert Altman proved something with this film… he proved that Shelly Duvall is perfect casting for Olive Oyl… and that Olive Oyl is a terrible character. Six Beers for Olive Oyl, another thousand for the terrible songs.

31. The 13th Warrior (1999)

The story of this film’s production trouble is famous, and it has all the reputation of being a train wreck. Sadly John McTiernan’s film is just fucking boring. Six Beers for the nap I could have had instead.

32. Deadly Friend (1986)

Wes Craven’s worst film is also one of his most fascinating. Filmed and performed like a kid’s movie, but featuring Hard R-Rated gore that would make ReAnimator blush. Four Beers for the laughs you’ll have at the weird tonal shifting.

33. Den of Thieves (2018)

Strangely satisfying even though it is basically a beat for beat remake of Heat, but less stylish. On the plus side, Three Beers for Gerard Butler’s hilarious “food acting”.

34. Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018)

Not nearly as creative as the first installment, but a solid ending after the disappointing second installment. The film has some truly interesting ideas and some of the best action sequences in recent memory. Three Beers for the reminder that once upon a time action films had fight scenes that were intelligible.

35. Hostiles (2018)

A stark, gloomy Western about the stark and gloomy lives of stark and gloomy people. But well-acted and written, albeit stark and gloomy.  Two Beers– one for the starkness, one for the gloom.

36. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001)

I waited 17 years to watch this film… until the goading of friends finally convinced me to watch the whole series, and all of them turned up on HBO at the same time. The stars aligned, I fell asleep during this one and had to go back. That doesn’t happen to me much, so Four Beers for boring me.

37. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Some interesting ideas and compelling performances, but seriously dull direction and presentation. Though somewhat less boring than the first film, making this 2 hours and 40 minutes long was…. just evil. Four Beers for foot-dragging.

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

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