Ken’s Movie Diary 2018: Week 2

This week kicked off the second week of Shituary, in which Hawk Ripjaw and I watch 4 bad movies each week and podcast the results.  Below are 4 of the worst animated films ever made, and a few other films.

12. Ratatoing (2007)

Brazillian Animated rip-off #1 is just as horrifying and sad as the above screenshot.  Trade a Six Pack for your dignity.

13. Leo the Lion (2013)

If Sir Billi wasn’t incompetent enough, try this Lion King ripoff… and cry yourself to sleep.  Six Beers won’t help…

14. War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

Surprisingly good, surprisingly great… fucking great. I’m not monkeying around here.  Gorillas make good Toast?

15. The Little Panda Fighter (2008)

Someone called him the Panda Fighter,

Crazy Dancer and a terrible liar

Creepy face, turning whiter

Drink Six Beers for the Panda Fighter

16. Viceroy’s House (2017)

Those interested in the history of India and in particular it’s transition from British rule to independence, should give this a view, as there just are’t many decent dramas covering that period in time. And that is what this is… decent.  Three Beers for decency!

17. Elf Bowling the Movie (2007)

Bad CGI and a shitty flash game from the late 90s are combined with a story that was likely written specifically to appeal to 13 year olds who mistake bad comedy writing as transgressive. Tom Kenny slums it in one of the saddest things he’s ever been associated with. No Six Pack can possibly compensate for how embarrassed Tom Kenny should be for appearing in this.

18. Darkest Hour (2017)

Joe Wright and Gary Oldman team up to reenact a crucial period and person in British history. Both of whom are at the top of their game, both of whom should get all of the Oscars. Toast these men for a true masterpiece!

19. I, Tonya (2017)

Scorsese light perhaps, but the Scorsese formula even with half the calories can still be a filling meal. Margot Robbie is irrepressible and Allison Janney is irredeemable (in the best of her performances). Drink Two Beers for the movie and down a bunch more for the fact that most of this actually happened.

20. Paddington 2 (2018)

Did I find this movie…. Bearable? Absolutely! Did you find that pun embearassing? Absolutely! Drink 6 Beers for this review and award this movie Two Bears… Beers.

21. The Post (2017)

Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep make a dream team, and the entire rest of the cast fight hard to keep from falling behind- thankfully they manage to impress as well. A politically significant story from the 1970s is even more relevant given the present anti-media climate of the Trump administration. Hopefully soon that administration will be the same as this movie, Toast.

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

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