Fuller House (TV Review): House Full of BullSh!t

By: Kyle Daley (Six Pack) –

What ever happened to originality? New shows and plots streaming on your TV?  (You better have read those lines in the tune of the theme song.  I know you know it….). It died apparently.  There is some rule to pop culture and the internet (if there’s still a distinction) that basically says” if it was two decades ago it’s now officially classic (or “retro” as some might call it).”  Probably has something to do with the fact that the age group that spent their formative years during a particular decade is now becoming a bunch of adults and are having a hard time dealing with it.  They are trying to feel nostalgic.  So basically, since we’re in the 2010’s it pretty much means the 1990’s and even a bit of the late 80’s are now exploitable for Hollywood to make a buck.

Hollywood's done it before guys
Hollywood’s done it before, guys

Ah the 1990’s, that’s when I grew up.  Gas was still under $1.25, The Simpson’s were actually funny, and “Clinton” wasn’t a dirty word to the nation’s youth.  Now, there are some things from that era making a return that I am fine with.  I am interested in seeing what this new, darker Power Rangers is going to be all about, and the fact that Mortal Kombat has pretty much dethroned any other fighting game competitors warms my inner mass-murdering ice ninja.  However, there are those that should have remained… how can I put this nicely… in the ground and buried under hot lava.

I don’t care how many of you liked it, but Jurassic World didn’t need to happen.  A good movie or bad, if it didn’t get made I doubt the world would have noticed.  However, recently on Netflix, something darker has surfaced.  A sequel television series to one of the most iconic pieces of family fluff and happy endings that never happen but you watched every day after school: Fuller House.

The series centers around D.J. Tanner-Fuller (the oldest of the three original sisters) as she is now trying to raise her three boys with her sister Stephanie and best friend Kimmy Kibbler plus her one daughter.  They all live together in the same house.  Ya know…there are a bunch of people living in a house, the main character’s name is Fuller, and it’s also a follow-up series?  Such a deep title.

A Toast

This show reminds you of a simpler time of your life.  Like when you were six and Full House was on.  The first episode just reminds you of a happier time and the joys its predecessor brought you.

Beer Two

By episode two, you’re seven and you remember how bad the original was because this one is just as bad.    The acting reminds you of every high school play you’ve ever seen.  Everybody on this show sounds like they’re at a table reading for the episode you are watching; and it’s just as entertaining.

Beer Three

The part that bothers me greatly is the fact that they do land some funny lines.  Honestly, I’d be lying if I said that I never laughed at the show.  However, as soon as they have one joke that lands, right away there are 6 lines that make you cringe.  It just exemplifies lazy and inconsistent writing.

...Here's looking at you Snyder!
…yeup.

Beer Four

This one is a bit more personal, but unless a show is broadcast live, don’t include a studio audience. Normally I’d go off and say because that editing allows jokes to seem funnier than they really are by “forcing” laughter.  Yet for this show, it makes the jokes seem less funny.  When a joke misses, you can often hear just one person nervously laugh to cover the silence.  It can be… uncomfortable.  Kind of like when grandma says some old phrase that’s not politically correct at the Thanksgiving table but you don’t correct her anyway because she’s grandma.  The thing is, though, even if an audience is involved, they can still edit the laughs in during post.  That means when a joke fails save for the one nervous laugh, that means of all the takes for that shot that was the best reaction.  It doesn’t speak very well when your best take of something supposedly funny is, “Uhhehe…*koff koff.*

Beer Five

But when the audience is enthused, you know it.  They all sound White Girl Wasted.  Any time an original cast member walks on-screen all you hear is “WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”  It’s worse than a sorority house on Halloween night, and nowhere near as sexy!

....though effort was made. 10 to 1 says the porn parody will be called "Fuller MILF." DIBS ON THE COPYRIGHT!
….though effort was made. 10 to 1 says the porn parody will be called Fuller MILF. DIBS ON THE COPYRIGHT!

Beer Six

Because Bill Leon told me I had to watch the entire season before I could finish this review.  I seriously only made it through five episodes of the thirteen even after I had already decided how much I didn’t like this show.  This is also to spite Bill because he said on the Movieboozer Facebook page that I wasn’t going to have enough material to work with.  Then he told me I had to finish the entire series before I could submit a review.  Even though I already had five beers by the end of the fifth episode.  I procrastinated as much as I could, that’s why this review took so long.  I hope you’re happy, Bill!  You made me suffer through Hell!

Verdict

At the end of the day, it’s just painful to watch.  Despite everything else, the biggest problem I have is that the few times a line actually delivers something funny, it is immediately met with four failed jokes, followed by some kind of melodrama where the mandatory lesson is given.  If you were someone who grew up loving the original, then by all means enjoy it.  However, if you’re someone like me who grew up not liking the original, then avoid this at all costs.  Especially if assholes like Bill Leon make you watch the whole thing!  What could be worse!?

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Six Pack

Fuller House (TV Review) Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time the audience goes “whoo!”

Take a Drink: every time someone says, “How rude?”

Take a Drink: every time you feel brain cells dying watching this show.

Do a Shot: whenever one of the original parents show up.

Kyle Daley is a Stand-up Comedian in the New England Area.  He is available for bookings in by email at [email protected]  Follow his Twitter account @KyleDaley1987.  Facebook: Kyle Daley Comedian, for show updates as well.

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