Zombieland (2009)

Zombieland (2009)
Zombieland (2009) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Oberst von Berauscht (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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A Toast

Zombies are my favorite reason to watch horror.  I think it is because surviving a Zombie Apocalypse takes more than brute strength and luck, it takes planning, ammunition, teamwork, and knives.

Big, fuckoff shiny ones…

Beer will not be plentiful when the dead rise, (not cold beer anyway) but we should still drink our toast to the filmmakers for merging El Dia de los Muertos with a buddy road movie.  The jokes hit fast and furious, due mostly to the chemistry between Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg, playing gags off each other like an experienced comedy team.  I’ll just say it… When the world ends, I’d probably want a Twinkie too.

My life… it is complete

Beer Two

Don’t get me wrong, Emma Stone is smoking hot and Abigail Breslin is (for legal purposes) nearly smoking hot, I get that.  But honestly, despite their hilarious introduction into the film, it starts to feel like American Pie, the Zombie years.  It feels like a 14-25 demographic concession to commercial taste.

Just sayin…

Three Beers

Take another drink, ‘cause these aren’t your daddy’s Zombies.  That is, however a problem.  I subscribe to the George A. Romero, and Max BrooksschoolofZombieknowledge.  While these two theories differ in several ways, the gist is that Zombies do NOT run.  Sorry, but an inaccurate depiction of Zombies just feels unrealistic.

Verdict

That said, the comedy is good, the danger feels ever-present, and Bill Murray is Bill Fucking Murray.

No matter how long you live, no matter what you do… it will never be as awesome as this.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: anytime Twinkies are mentioned

Drink a shot: when a major character dies (Oh, it never happens?  Well, fuck, I just spoiled the movie didn’t I?)

Down a Fifth: if you actually thought that the same kid would be the star of a serious Oscar Contender a year later

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

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