Vantage Point (2008)

Vantage Point (2008)
Vantage Point (2008) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Oberst von Berauscht (Five Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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A Toast

This one goes to the film’s ambition.  You have to credit the filmmakers for taking a classic Rashomon-style premise and spinning it into a modern story, filling the film with excellent character actors.  In Vantage Point, a political assassination attempt, and the events following are shown through the points of view of multiple characters.  Some of whom know more than others.

Sounds like a job for Toshiro…

Beer Two

Unfortunately, it goes downhill from the concept.  Grab a cold one and watch the most stupidly convoluted conspiracy unfold.  Who are these third-rate baddies?  What were they trying to accomplish?  And how did they manage to get so many things right in the planning stage?  The actions they take to create chaos make no sense.  That is unless you subscribe to the “Stormtrooper” theory of film (in which the bad guys are elite killers until their guns have to aim at a protagonist).

Beer Three

Take another drink from the case because Forest Whitaker, who is normally one of Hollywood’s strongest actors, holds a camera, smiles and wears a shit-eating grin through the whole movie.  He has more enthusiasm for the camera than a retarded man-child with Yo Gabba Gabba! and a piece of cake.

I like turtles!

Beer Four

Open letter to Dennis Quaid:

I’ve seen The Right Stuff; you’re a better actor than this.  Hell, you’re a better actor than pretty much every movie that you appear in. In fact, you’ve made a career of being the best actor in mediocre films.  Recently though, you’ve made it a point to take films that have typecast you as the “actor we got because Harrison Ford cost too much”.

STOP IT.

-the Footloose remake?… Fucking blow me

Beer Five

Want poorly written dialog?  Want embarrassingly wooden line delivery?  Then look no further than Sigourney Weaver and her “Global News” team.  Three generally good character actors who I am sure did what they could (considering the lack of talent behind the camera and on the page).  Weaver hasn’t been this wooden since American TV Producers of Planet Earth decided her voice would be more marketable than Sir David Attenborough.  At least she let somebody else take the narrative reins for the series Life.

Goddamn it

Verdict

Unwatchable from every angle.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: when Forest Whitaker looks around stupidly

Take a Drink: for ever flashback

 

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

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