So Undercover (2012)

So Undercover (2012)
So Undercover (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Katherine Balestrini (Five Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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If you have the power to read and translate into vacant blonde in your head, please read the following review in that voice.  Like totally.

This movie has that chick from, oh you know that cute Disney show, Hannah Montana. She had the most amazing shoes and clothes and her brother was like, you know, fat!

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Disney is like Facebook. You join under the impression you can leave again. You can NEVER leave.

In this movie she is SOOOOOO undercover and tries super hard to help a girl at college, whose dad has something the mafia want. That’s all forgotten by the time a love interest is introduced with his shiny bike.  But they have, like, the tightest t shirts EVER!! I want to go to this college, it’s like for stupid girls, who drive fast cars and, like, vajazzle! The movie tries hard to rip into anyone that’s not like totally into country music, but it doesn’t go far enough. It like totally sucks!

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It’s ok to wear underwear; in college all we do is wear underwear and have pillow fights!! We are not here for an education, we are here for a rich husband!

It takes what little talent people have and like totally makes sure they never get a movie deal again.  Jeremy Piven, trying to leave Entourage and John Cusack behind, totally fails, like on an epic scale. He should stay in period dramas for Britain, they don’t know who he is, not really.

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Don’t leave me John, if I hold on tight enough I might get some of your talent.

A Toast

Not just a waste of time and brain cells to watch a “Miss Congeniality in a training bra” wannabe. It is embarrassing to watch, let alone ‘act’ in. Someone somewhere must be feeling bad for making this movie. Miley hasn’t made a film since, just cut her hair, got engaged to the less hot Hemsworth and tweeted till the world didn’t care!!!

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Some people just look better, act better, and have better bras.

Beer Two

The fact that there is a car wash with tiny bikinis, lots of bubbles and slow motion hair flicking, isn’t enough to get even the horniest of teens to watch this. That and our heroine wears a lobster costume(I have no clue what that was about) not a tiny bikini!

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Car wash anyone??

Beer Three

Kelly Osbourne is in it!!! WTF!! I didn’t even know she could act; well, this film doesn’t prove me wrong! She goes from dreadful to “I am never going to be in a film again”. The most interesting thing Kelly Osbourne has done in her career is…..no, can’ t think of  a single thing.

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Kelly didn’t sell out, she works on a fashion programme, lost weight and her individuality!

Beer Four

It just doesn’t end. They have a plot, then they throw in a surprise twist. When I say surprise, I mean the sort of surprise you can see coming from the moment you meet the character. Oh like Mission Impossible, the one where Jon Voight is the bad guy and they explain it to you like you’re five years old!

Beer Five

The dumb blonde who is a chemistry major!!! God help us all!! She struggles pulling off dumb, how hard can it be!

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You will be in my movie and make me look good!

Verdict

5Beers1

A sad, sad day when this film was made. Miss Cyrus should stick to animated films, where all she has to do is talk and entertain small children. Shame on you.

The only people that would find this entertaining is the creepy guy from across the road. You know the guy, about 65 years old, lives with his mother, tucks his t shirt into his trousers, and always touches himself when looking at anything in short shorts!!

 

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for every OMG said

Take a Drink: every time you hear the English language being ruined. Like totes!

Take a Drink: every time someone says something stupid

Do a Shot: when you see Jeremy Piven

Last Call

Do a Shot: with the outtakes. You managed to watch the whole film, you deserve a treat or enough alcohol to help you forget!

About Katherine Balestrini

One comment

  1. Ah, Miley Cyrus… how your career has dried up and disappeared.

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