The Weekend Pregame: October 21st

By: Marielle –

The Three Musketeers

So, this has been done a lot. I’ve never been inspired to watch any of these films or read any of the books. And I’m sure some classics nerds are rolling their eyes right now.

No thanks.

The sword fighting seems fine and good, but the cannonball wall trap actually made me guffaw. It looks like a bad attempt at pseudo-steampunk (without the steam); they’re trying to make the 17th century seem TOTALLY X-TREME!

Beer Prediction

The coming apocalypse? Please. A Britocalypse at best.

 

Paranormal Activity 3

I’m not watching this trailer again. I’ve seen it twice, and I’m afraid if I watch it again the scary chick is going to be behind me when I’m washing my face before bed tonight.

Horror movies stick with me and I scare myself for years after viewing them. I’m still afraid someone is going to play some kind of screen-saver prank involving the girl from The Ring on me. Oh, this movie isn’t that scary, I thought. You don’t even see very much. I guess that whole girl-in-the-well thing is sort of creepy. But then, OH MY GOD SHE’S CRAWLING OUT OF THE TV AND JUMPING FORWARD AT AN UNNATURAL PACE!

[MISSING: SCARY PICTURE]

Beer Prediction

Though I clearly haven’t seen any of these, I get the impression they’re needlessly stretching this story out. Did the first film even mention she used to be haunted as a child? It’s the kind of thing that sticks with you.

 

Johnny English Reborn

As a former Blackadder and Mr. Bean fan, I enjoy me some Britishy Rowan Atkinson antics. I’d love to dismiss this movie as a standard, uninspired family comedy, but Atkinson’s performance feels unavoidably endearing.

I can’t stay mad at you.

Though it seems like a step up from the original (which, surprise, I didn’t see) it won’t exactly be a laugh riot.

Beer Prediction

Families will enjoy it, and I think a half a pack would do me good.

 

The Mighty Macs

Shudder.

Okay, I can get behind the concept of girls playing ball despite the repressive cultural norms idea in theory. The problem is the execution looks uncomfortably lame. It’s upsetting when someone takes an important idea and then ruins the message with hokey, cheesy, stereotypery. Oh, those crotchety nuns. We’ll show them. And we’ll teach those uptight students who don’t approve of Ms. Rush’s modern, harlotesque methods!

Now it’s just an opportunity for people to make fun of lady sports, nuns, and bad acting. Also, it looks like the struggle might be far more about winning basketball than being allowed to play. Oh no. We might not win basketball. Has the Lord forsaken us?!

Beer Prediction

Good messages deserve quality methods. I couldn’t care less about crotchety nuns v. wacky rogue nuns, pretty plucky go-getters, and high school championships that are end-of-the-world deadly serious, everyone!!

About Corinne Avery

Corinne wanted to be a lot of things; now she writes about them instead. Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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