The Weekend Pregame: December 16th

By: Marielle

 

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows –

Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law return as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson. They had great chemistry in the original (the nature of which is at the discretion of everyone’s individual crotch. Heh. I love when people get worked up about basically inconsequential things. “Watson had a wife!” Yeah, bi-sexual and gay men never have those.)

Baiting aside, these movies are jolly good, action-packed fun.Downeyexudes that sexy, devilish wit and demeanour and Law plays ‘uptight British sidekick’ without the pretentious annoying bit. Coincidentally, Noomi Rapace, the original girl with a tattoo in the shape of a dragon (American remake opening next weekend) portrays the lady-counterpart. I’m interested to see her performance in aHollywoodfilm.

Beer Prediction

I’m sure there will be a misstep somewhere (length? pushing the cross dressing? not pushing it far enough?) but as far as enjoyability goes, two brews should do you fine.

 

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol –

This one’s date has skipped around a bit, and it may open next weekend in a theatre near you, but, screw it, I’m doing it now. I’m a rogue, you know, a bit like Tom Cruise. The kind of rogue who regularly makes payments to rise in the ranks of his strict, overbearing cult. We do things our way. Or Xenu’s. But, isn’t Xenu really just a rogue himself? Instead of being science, he’s science fiction!

Cruise reportedly does his own stunts (certainly this one) and that’s impressive for a dude edging fifty who isn’t actually a stuntman by profession. Also he’s lady-sized.

Beer Prediction

I have a hard time rating this kind of movie, because as far as action goes, it’ll probably be a spectacle on the big screen. It might even have a cohesive story. But–Jeremy Renner isn’t who we thought he was!?–isn’t exactly a jaw-dropping revelation (nor should it be in the trailer…?) That’s telling to me.

 

Young Adult –

Now out in wide release, Young Adult stars Charlize Theron as a newly divorced woman who returns to her small hometown to seek out her now-married ex-boyfriend. The title seems to not only refer to her profession as a young adult fiction writer but also to her regressive clinging to the past. And the fact that she never grew out of that serious case of bitch.

Your face will get stuck like that.

Diablo Cody’s writing isn’t for everyone. I enjoyed Juno and yet I’m not into this. I have zero need to watch a character like her, even if she learns something. Especially then. I’m pretty sure bitches stay bitches forever. It’s in their BNA.

Beer Prediction

Patton Oswalt plays a former classmate who probably makes this worth a watch at least on DVD. Everyone else, I suspect, will be split.

 

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked –

This may not be why the terrorists hateAmerica, but it’s why I do. Stock characters designed by people who think they know what the kids are into these days, pop songs performed with even whinier voices, and a formerly cool actor slumming it for cash is the exact opposite of what I want to see.

Beer Prediction

I would rather see Jack and Jill or even Bucky Larson than this tripe. I’m going to have to go to anger management solely due to that Lady Gaga rendition.

About Corinne Avery

Corinne wanted to be a lot of things; now she writes about them instead. Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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