By: Julio De Francisco (Six Pack) –
Guess what?If you think a movie titled “The Dilemma” will be about two practical solutions to a problem being considered, you’d guess wrong.It involves a guy who has only one problem, a mental one.Ronny (Vaughn) is not sure how to handle telling his best friend Nick (James) that he saw Nick’s wife Geneva (Ryder) cheating on him.The movie should be titled, “Ronny’s Unnecessary Obsession” because Ronny has taken it upon himself to get Geneva to tell the truth.But wait!Nick has his own secrets!Instead of bowing out, Ronny wants the truth to come out no matter what it takes.
For a movie as bad as The Dilemma (or “Ronny’s Unnecessary Obsession”), my toast goes to the producers of this film and their brass balls.(there were a lot of balls involved in the production, marketing, and distribution)Ron Howard, for example, has some pretty big balls for accepting to direct this movie, getting his friend Jennifer Connelly from A Beautiful Mind on board, and presenting an embarrassing film that should have gone straight to DVD.Also, a tip of the cup to the balls the producers had to hire a sassy Queen Latifah (when isn’t she sassy?), who is just as much a victim as Jennifer Connelly, as a consultant for GMC.
I mean, some big hairy veiny sack of man meat was involved when they left the “that’s gay” scene in this movie.First brought up by Anderson Cooper of CNN and later denounced by GLAAD, the original trailer featured a scene where Vince Vaughn is ranting about how gay electric cars are.The trailer was taken down in movie theaters and changed to something less provocative. Yes, a toast to those who had a goal to make money and then got it done.Anyone who thought this movie was gonna suck was right.But now that you bought the movie ticket somewhere a producer is gripping his nuts and saying, “Suck on deez!”
Terrible casting choice of Queen Latifah.Latifah plays Susan Warner, a consultant who had been with Ford for many years and is new to GMC.She has a hunch that Ronny and Nick’s proposal to create an electric engine that sounds like a muscle car will take off and is given the task of overseeing the project.Her role in this film is small, thank God, however her scenes were longer than they had to be and just weird.
She has two monologues in the film, and both mention her “Lady Wood”.That’s all I needed, to imagine the phantom penis Queen Latifah has.In a scene that was supposed to be funny, the crowd (including myself) just stayed quiet.Which leads me to wonder whether this movie was tested at all.While we’re banking on casting choices, how about Winona Ryder?I believe in second chances, sure, but every time I see her face I think to myself, the clothes thief!Am I alone on this?
I bet you’ll think twice, won’t you Roxanne.
Sip on this beer while pondering the following scenario.Imagine you see your best friend’s wife kissing another man.What would you do in a situation like this?Is it a dilemma? According to Wikipedia, a dilemma is a problem offering at least two possibilities, neither of which is practically acceptable.So, on one hand you can inform your friend at an appropriate time and place.On the other, not get involved.
The movie never explores the latter choice.Not making this a dilemma!Instead it turns into a film about Ronny’s obsession about their relationship.Along the way he learns that his best friend has his own secret: he likes getting happy endings from a Thai massage place.The best thing to do then is to step away… but he sticks with it.
Mama knows best, since 1972!
The film had some sloppy audio issues.For most of the movie there was a low bass hum.It’s not something that would have been noticed on a straight to DVD movie listening in only stereo sound… but in the theater it was obvious.I noticed this when in a couple of scenes that low hum was corrected and the sound was clear.Maybe it was just the movie reel or the sound at my theater.I’ll go out on a pretty thick limb here, though, and just chalk it up to the movie.
Note from Editor: Goddamn it, SG2
Ugh, I can’t take it anymore.Shotgun this one with me.Channing Tatum plays Zip, a tattooed doucher who is the guy Geneva is cheating with.There’s a scene where Ronny follows Geneva to Zip’s house where he wants to get photo evidence of their exploits.Once Geneva gets her sex she takes off.Zip finds Ronny and believes he’s broken into his house.
Theirs is a huge fight, things are smashed, fish are killed, guitars are broken, and a classic vehicle is destroyed.This over-reaction and dramatic scene went about a minute longer than it needed.Zip, it turns out, is a sensitive douchebag, who if he had known that Ronny was a friend of Geneva, wouldn’t have beat him up so badly…the hell?
I made this PB&J with love, and bullets.
For this scene, you don’t want to be sober.The two-minute long cringe-worthy toast Ronny (in the typical Vince Vaughn motormouth mode that he’s been sporting for oh, a decade) makes for his girlfriend’s parents’ 40th anniversary was about honesty, but instead he just rambles pure bullshit.This scene may have been completely improvised.
It ultimately leads others to believe that Ronny is back to gambling and his girlfriend; Beth (Connelly) puts on an intervention.There, the truth comes out.It gets awkward.This is about the time Jennifer Connelly forgets she’s in a comedy and tries to save it with an Oscar-bait scene… which puts the finishing touch on what very well could be the shittiest film I’ll watch this year (short of the Bieber movie).
Oh, and Vince Vaughn- he wears this expression for the entire film…
If you are a Vince Vaughn (or Jennifer Connelly, or Queen Latifah, or Kevin James, or Ron Howard) fan, don’t go see this movie, because that might change.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: anytime Queen Latifah references her “Lady Wood”
Take a Drink: anytime Vince Vaughn begins to motor mouth.
Take a Drink: whenever you see a Dodge logo
Take a Drink: whenever Vince Vaughn starts to follow someone.