It’s a Spongebob Christmas! (2012)

It's a Spongebob Christmas! (2012)
It’s a Spongebob Christmas! (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Jake Peroni (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Has claymation finally surpassed Jesus as the embodiment of the Christmas season? Maybe not yet… but soon.

“You bite your tongue, and take it backely!” 

What is Christmas without Claymation? Sparked from the early Rudolph specials of the 60’s, claymation at Christmas has been ingrained in us from birth. I’ve never met anyone who had a problem with that.

This Spongebob Christmas Special flips the switch from colorful animated cartoon to claymation for this tale. The plot is your basic Spongebob, where that evil little bastard Plankton concocts a plan to get his mits on the secret Crabby Patty formula. His aim is to make everyone in Bikini Bottom as naughty as him, forcing Santa to lower his standards for the naughty list and finally get something other than coal. Confused? Then you don’t have young kids…or smoke weed.

So Plankton creates a fruitcake dispensing car that laces the infamous holiday loaf with “Jerktonium”, which transforms anyone that ingests the fruitcake into a jerk.

Everyone…except Spongebob, who is immune to Jerktonium due to his big heart and small brain.

 Kids looking in Bikini Bottoms are going to be very surprised when they get older!

A Toast

Spongebob is one of the only cartoons for young kids that keeps us parents sane. It makes no apologies for not offering any moral or educational undertones, and for that we are thankful and indebted.

As usual in Spongebob, the goofiness is ever-present, but there are other laughable elements of the story, like for instance, whenever someone turns into a jerk, there is a fart noise and they end up with bushy eyebrows and a 5 o’clock shadow. Is this implying that everyone with a 5 o’clock shadow and untrimmed brows is a jerk? Probably… don’t over-think it stoners, just enjoy the ride.

Another toast-worthy point is that it’s SHORT. Kids have a habit of making parents watch the same shows over and over until they have it memorized. Although this very well might drive us nuts in the 3rd showing, at the very least it’s not a long Christmas special!

Beer Two

Santa resembles a giant demon from a nightmare in this one. Downright scary. He is peering down through windows with a giant creepy face. I don’t remember any Christmas stories of Santa being an actual elf? Well in this, he was…and a real dick too. Not as bad as the dick Santa from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeerbut a dick nonetheless.

Is that Santa or a level 1 sex offender?

Beer Three

As I mentioned before, watching this over and over will truly wear you out. The 5 o’clock shadow joke is the only parental enjoyment that will withstand time, and unfortunately this will not be a “holiday must see” every year. They were on the right track of making a Christmas Special that will withstand time such as Rudolph’s, but fell far short of not being irritable after awhile… and does anyone really like the pirate Patchy? I think we can all agree to give Patchy the axe; after all he’s no Englishman reading Welcome to Pooh Corner while setting up the episodes.

Verdict

With the leaps and bounds animation has undertaken in our lifetime, there is still a place in this world for the traditional slapstick, nonsensical cartoon. Now that the hippies are in charge we are force-fed educational rubbish with moral lessons packed in like a fat girl in a prom dress. Thank God for that annoying little Spongebob!

 

 Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time someone transforms into a jerk

Take a Drink: any time a present is passed from one person to another

Take a Drink: anytime you see fire underwater

Do a Shot: if you have ever actually tried a fruitcake in your entire life

About Jake Peroni

Bestselling Author, Distinguished Film Critic, Cutting Edge Journalist, Respected Reporter, Successful Businessman... Big Fat Sh*tty Liar. Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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