Shark Night 3D (2011)

Shark Night 3D (2011)
Shark Night 3D (2011) DVD / Blu-Ray

By: Julio De Francisco (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Warning, this review contains minor spoilers.  You have been warned.

As bad as I thought Shark Night 3D was going to be, I kind of enjoyed it in a “it was so stupid it was good” sort of way.  The flick follows the story of seven friends from college who go on a road trip to Shreveport, Louisiana — a place where apparently it’s common to be a racist hillbilly.  Sara (Sara Paxton), grew up in Shreveport, and guides her friends to a lake-front cabin that can only be reached by boat through a series of rivers.  Unfortunately, the fresh water lake is filled with sharks!  In 3D!  At night time!  Shark Night 3D it is!

A Toast

I raise my first glass of beer to the scene where Malik (Sinqua Walls), challenges a shark to avenge the death of his girlfriend.  Leading up to the scene, Malik suffered a terrible misfortune, his arm is bit off by a shark.  He is unconscious after losing a lot of blood.  Nick (Dustin Milligan), the pre-med student, advises everyone that Malik may die if he exerts himself too much.  So, in a “it’s so fucking stupid it’s great” scene is when Nick finds Malik standing in the lake, waist high, holding a Spartan Spear in his one good hand, talking tough about how he’s going to kill the shark that that took his girlfriend.  He attracts the shark with the blood dripping from his torso.  Suddenly a hammer-head appears and tries to take him down, but Malik won’t go down without a fight.  He begins to punch the shark until he ultimately weakens it long enough so that he can spear it to death.  The amazing battle ends with Malik saying, “I told you I’d kill him.”

It’s worth watching for this scene alone.

Beer Two

There’s a 30 second long scene where Beth (Katherine McPhee) is peeing and talking to her friend.  How this is a form of bonding amongst women will always confuse me.  I found it to be disturbing and beer worthy.

One second thought…

Beer Three

The scenes were the minorities are singled out by racists made me feel uncomfortable.  For a dumb fun movie, I didn’t like watching scenes where members of Shreveport, LA were made to look like racist and not taking too kindly to outsiders.  The antagonists of the film were Dennis (Chris Carmack) and Red (Joshua Leonard).  One suggest Maya (Alyssa Diaz) can come over and clean his house.  The situation nearly escalates into a fight until Sara appears, who Dennis and Red recognize and quickly back off.

Verdict

Movies like Shark Night 3D are not meant to be taken seriously.  While the genre for Shark Night 3D is a Horror-Thriller, it really belongs in a B-Movie category.  Under normal circumstances the film would have gone to DVD.  However, because it was filmed in 3D, I’m sure the producers were banking on it doing well.  With a budget of 28 million dollars and the opening weekend being a measly 8 million, I don’t see them breaking even.  Not, even, close.  Kudos to the beer pong floatie in the movie.  Also special extra kudos to whoever trained the dog that helped pull Sara from the water.  I thought it was really cute and awesome.

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a drink: anytime you see a dorsal fin.

Take a drink: anytime you see a jacuzzi bubble water (when someone is being eaten).

Take a drink: whenever someone dies.

Take a drink: whenever you hear the word “Shark”

Take a drink: whenever a shark springs forward towards you (3D audience).

Drink a shot: when you see the beer pong floatie.

Drink a shot: when everyone cheers to a beer (optional, chug a beer).

Drink a shot: when you hear the phrase “Shark Week”

Last Call:  There is a 5-6 minute rap video what appears to have been shot on a four year old digital camera about each of the character’s plots and stories.  If you enjoyed the movie, I would recommend staying to watch it.

About Salvador Garcia

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