Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990)

Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990)
Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Six Pack) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

Loading...

Yes, it’s week two of Toxic Avenger month, and already I’m diverting from the schedule.  The reason for this will become abundantly clear however, as this film was helmed by the same director, Lloyd Kaufman, and features much of the same style of comedy.  Also, the main character of this film appears in later Toxic Avenger films.  Moreover, I confess that I was so deeply shaken by my experience watching this film that the movie-nerd in me had to write the review immediately.  Is it a cop-out for missing my deadline on Toxie 2?  I’ll tell you what, just watch the damn trailer.

Does it look like I took the “easy” way out?

A Toast

After watching The Toxic Avenger I was certain that there was no human way to take a film less seriously.  By the end, I couldn’t even tell if I was laughing more at the movie or with it, and didn’t care.  This film has all the ludicrous thrills and ultra-violent antics we’ve come to expect from Troma Studios, with the added bonus of a script that was written by an eight year old.

Yes, that is a Pimp and a Hooker chopped up into a giant Sushi roll…

Beer Two

The only direction actor Rick Gianasi appears to have been given during the flying sequences was “wave your arms and legs around a lot, so people don’t think you’re just lying on a cart, being pushed around.”  Seriously, the special effects budget was able to afford a gruesome alien bug-monster, and yet they couldn’t come up with the cash for a simple blue-screen shot?

Ok, admittedly they use a wire for what… 2 seconds?

Beer Three

There is a lengthy chase sequence where Kabukiman morphs into a clown and is chased by mobsters through the city streets, leaving a trail of destruction behind them.  This just felt unrealistic, if there is anything I’ve learned about Clowns, it is that they would be the ones doing the chasing.  And when your clown is as creepy looking as this…

In the words of Cracked.com’s Seanbaby: “Aiiiieeeeee

Beer Four

There is a Kabukiman Sex-Scene…  It starts innocent enough, with the non-transformed detective making awkward love to his girlfriend, but then there is a jump cut to the bedsheets writhing, and noises that cannot be unheard.  Finally, Kabukiman stands up proudly and shouts his catchphrase “Kabukiman Sanjo!”  And people wonder why I sleep with the lights on at night.

Beer Five

Kabukiman can turn people into hot dogs.

This is never explained.

Beer Six

The Monster at the end of the film is where the majority of the effects budget clearly went, and the end result is a giant multicolored acid-bleeding monster with heads for hands.

Yep… that’s a worm-penis

Verdict

Either a work of pure genius, or batshit insanity… a shlock classic.

 

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time someone Mentions Kabuki or Kabukiman (Warning, you’ll probably die)

Take a Drink: whenever “Kabuki powers” are used as a Deus Ex Machina

Do a Shot: whenever  they talk about the Dragon dancing through the hoop of Jupiter, the Monkey will riding the Jaguar, or the Tiger will feasting on the Nubile.

Do a Shot: whenever you don’t know what the fuck you’re watching.

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!