The Replacements (2000)

The Replacements (2000)
The Replacements (2000) DVD/Blu-Ray

By: Felix Felicis (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

Loading...

March is the worst month of my sports year because the ultimate Battle of Badassery (The Superbowl) just took place and for the next 2/3rds of the calendar I’m stuck with basketball, baseball and, shudder, golf. The only thing that should have eighteen holes and take that much time out of your day is an orgy.

Looks like someone knows their way around a shaft.
Looks like someone knows their way around a shaft

The Replacements follows washed-up and washed-out former pro quarterback Shane Falco, as he joins forces with an old-school coach (the bastard son of Mr. Miyagi and S.H.I.E.L.D Director Nick Fury) to build a ragtag football team in the wake of a players’ strike. With four games until the Superbowl, these unlikely underdogs must battle prima donna pro players, a city ready to pounce on their every error, and each other in order to make (fake) football history.

miyagi

A Toast

The Replacements manages to achieve pitch perfect tone and resonance within its audience. This film has the most sublime blend of humor and drama, action and reaction. The ensemble cast is synergy at its finest (and that’s saying something). Getting me to watch a movie with a large ensemble cast is much like trying to get Kristen Stewart to emote more than one facial expression. My usual complaint against them (that such films gloss over character development) is blown out of the water here. Each individual, from minor to major character, is given exactly the development they need to be entirely, completely, genuine. And there must be a metric fuckton of fairies flying about because I BELIEVE. The Replacements takes itself seriously when needed and is lighthearted in all the right moments. The give and take balances out the film so that each part aligns perfectly to make a whole picture, one that’s eminently watchable.

kristenstewart

Beer Two

Though there were good things going for The Replacements, this film is not without flaws. Suspension of disbelief is key to really enjoying this movie, especially for sports fans. Director Howard Deutch (responsible for such efforts as Pretty in Pink and Some Kind of Wonderful) banks on the audience buying into a few too many unlikely scenarios; such as pro cheerleaders (who get paid enough per game to buy dinner at The Outback) striking along with the pro ballers, thus allowing the highly amusing (yet wholly unlikely) event in which strippers are hired as filler field candy. Even while wading through knee-deep clichés such as coach handing his QB a new asshole for calling an audible, The Replacements kept me entertained by putting a fresh spin on the age-old Underdog theme.

This guy gets all the bitches.
This guy gets all the bitches

Beer Three

On the field is where this film really shines; off the field the script shoulders the rest of the movie and it drops the ball. A lot. The Replacements relies on formulaic resolutions to contrived conflicts leaving me unimpressed by the lack of originality within the film. This deficit continues all the way to a slipshod finale where several subplots remain unresolved and the last impression we’re left with (taking a page directly from The Breakfast Club) is an insanely “philosophical” voiceover by Coach McGinty. No happy ending here, folks; not even the kind you can pay for. A point in favor of the movie is that, even with scenes that should be eye gougingly moronic (bar fights ending in choreographed lip sync routines) it ends up being delightfully whimsical under Deutch’s direction.

Verdict

3beers

The Replacements gets me through the offseason and does it with humor, heart and stellar action. This film really blows my skirt up and is a guaranteed second-base date movie (especially if your date is me). With its winning cast and engaging performances, almost everything is ultimately forgivable in this effervescent football farce.

Even I’d try to get between her uprights.
Even I’d try to get between her uprights

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: anytime someone has a heart-to-heart or serious conversation on an empty football field. Bonus Shot: if at least one person is standing on the 50 yard line.

Take a Drink: whenever you hear “Scab”, “Footsteps Falco”, “Sugar Bowl” or “Nandeska!”.

Do a Shot: each time someone pukes on the field or a cheerleader can’t spell.

Take a Drink: every time Clifford Franklin misses a catch or Bateman gets crazy eyes and takes someone out charging-rhino-style.

Shotgun a Beer: for the best way to pass time in jail that doesn’t involve dodging shower cowboys.

About Felix Felicis

Filled with smart-assed sass and armed with the expletives to prove it, Felix Felicis is a critic adrift in a sea of dirty thoughts and tawdry humor. If you see her float by, toss Felix some beef jerky and a taser. She'll take it from there.

One comment

  1. I remember digging this one when it first came out, but still haven’t seen it since. Sounds like it’s about time, with a few beers in tow…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!