Prom (2011)

Prom (2011)
Prom (2011) DVD / Blu-ray

By Julio De Francisco (Six Pack) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

Loading...

What more could a high school teenager want than to be asked to the Prom? Nova Prescott (Aimee Teegarden) is head of the Prom decorating committee and seems to be doing it all herself.  Misfortune occurs when the prom decorations burn down.  She is then paired with the high school bad boy Jesse Richtor (Thomas McDonell) by the principal.  While they’re both reluctant about working together on prom they begin to find one another fascinating (it’s not her big boobs and his Johnny Depp good looks).  Or is it?  How did I forget to bring 6 Beers for this pile of shit?

A Toast

This first glass of beer goes to Katie Wech, a screenwriter who brilliantly convinced Disney and others to produce another teenage movie that will soon be forgotten if only to be viewed for a couple of bored college co-eds seeking a viable drinking game movie.  I’d give up booze (actually I wouldn’t) just to see her pitch this flick to the executives who wrote the check.  It’s about how you sell these movies to ‘the man’, not about the content.  If you can convince them that this movie will put ass in those seats (a few months before Prom season) then of course kids will come flocking!  I applaud whatever it was you did to make this happen.  Your poker face must be amazing!

Just drop one of these in your swimming pool to drain it.  ShamWow!

Beer Two

This may not have been obvious to the producers of the film, but did anyone else notice that Tyler Barso (DeVaughn Nixon) looks really old to be a high school jock?   With the right light he could pass for maybe 20… but, he looked 27 or 28 years old.  Disney has an amazing casting team, why did they have trouble finding a young black actor?  Is there a shortage of young black actors?  Have the teen movies of yesteryears dissuaded them from becoming the token black character?  If there’s one thing I did appreciate about Nixon is that he played his role well… and knows when to offer a ‘vegetarian burrito’ before asking a girl out to the prom.  I can’t confirm his age because it’s not listed on IMDB.

Don’t let the light fool you.  His hair is starting to whiten.

Beer Three

For prom, the girls expect the boys to ask them out in a creative way as if they were going to propose.  The boy could only hope for a “Yes.”  It couldn’t just be a simple, “Want to go Prom with me?”  No, it had to an extraordinary ‘ask to the prom’ such as being on a stage with a poem or writing the request in rose petals on a locker.  What surprised me while investigating prom (since I didn’t bother to go to mine) were the websites that give tips on creative ways to ask a date to the prom.

Is this a new phenomenon or have teen girls become stuck up bitches wanting their prom question to be romantic?  In Prom, the trouble of finding a date didn’t justify a night of standing around, drinking punch from a bowl, and watching the King and Queen be crowned.  These kids weren’t getting laid, just holding hands and slow dancing in zombie circles.  One more thing, who asks a girl to the prom at THE PROM?

P is for the pussy I’ll be getting that night.  R is for the rash I won’t tell you about.  An O is what I’ve made this effort for.  M is Mercy, I need you to say YES!

Beer Four

You’ve seen this movie before.  Formulaic hot smart attractive girl (your Molly Ringwald a la a combined Claire Standish, Andi Walsh, Samantha Baker) hates the good looking rebel bad boy (such as Judd Nelson’s John Bender), but eventually fall in love with each other based on mutual respect.

Can I call you sometime you princess bitch?  Yes, dick.  I love you.  I love you, too.

Beer Five

Did anyone else notice that Aimee Teegarden had a herpe on her right upper lip?  I did!  I may be wrong.  Bad timing?  Bad make-up?  Speaking of bad make-up, I was surprised to learn Joe Adler (Rolo) was that pale.  He looked sick and kind of reminded me of an offspring of Powder and Sloth from The Goonies.

One likes Rolos, the other likes Baby Ruths.  Sloth still not aware he’s a father.

Beer Six

The ensemble of characters was kind of hard to keep track of at the beginning. I realized towards the end that it never mattered, because this movie was just awful and I shouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

I count Thirteen… what an unlucky shituation.

Verdict

You’ll be better off watching Carrie to get a more accurate description of what Prom is like.  It’s a night to pick one unsuspecting telekinetic loser and dump a bucket of pig’s blood on her head and dodging her mind-bullets (as Jack Black may put it).

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Anytime you SEE or HEAR the word Prom, Take a Drink.

Take a drink: anytime Rolo appears on screen.

Take a drink: whenever Nova exhales in any degree of disappointment.

Shotgun an entire Beer: when Jesse Richter asks Nova Scottsdale to the prom at THE PROM!

 

About Salvador Garcia

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!