Piranha 3D (2010)

Piranha 3D (2011) poster Movie Review
Piranha 3D (2011) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Henry J. Fromage (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Piranha 3D is the throwback pulp type that used to dominate 3D.3D is going to bigger and more exciting places, but that doesn’t mean there still isn’t a place for horror schlock in three dimensions, and Piranha 3D is one of the most entertaining examples of that in a long time.

Oh, and the plot’s about mutant piranhas that eat scantily-clad spring-breakers, in case you were wondering.

A Toast

You go to see a movie called Piranha 3D, you expect a few things.These would probably include lots of blood and gore, boobies, some badassery, and the most annoying characters being killed horrifically.Piranha 3D delivers on all of these fronts without screwing the pooch on everything else.When you compare it to a lot of horror flicks lately that deserves a toast.

You’ve got to love the 80s throwback casting with Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd, and Richard Dreyfuss as well.A last libation should go to the effective use of 3D to get you jumping (oh, and did I mention boobies?3D makes those better, too…)

big 'ol internet boobiesSubtract clothes, add 3D… yep.

Beer Two

Unfortunately, 3D has its drawbacks, too.You may need a beer to give yourself a reason for all the blur onscreen.Apparently there were good reasons for shooting in 2D and converting later, but the process generally turns out dark, hard-to-see pieces of junk like Clash of the Titans.

Piranha 3D does better than this, but a lot of the action sequences can be tough to track and scenes shot in dark places end up too dark.Cheesy special effects come par for the course in this type of flick, but another little gulp has to go to how fake the piranhas look… which is pretty damn fake.

Piranha 3D CGI piranhasMeh.

Beer Three

This beer is for a favorite horror movie conceit of mine… the kids.Apparently, filling up valuable time that could have been spent on nudity with small children stupidly wandering into dangerous situations is some scriptwriters’ idea of creating tension.This could not be further from the truth, because we all know that nobody’s going to kill little kids in a horror movie, so basically you just spend your time building up an irrational hatred of little Timmy and Sally as they “take adventures” into dark caves filled with human skeletons or swim in shark-infested waters because they’re too dumb to read a sign.

I say it’s high time that horror flicks reflect Timmy and Sally’s actual survival chances, which are very slim.Maybe watching lil’ Timmy get lost and starve to death in a cave or Sally get dragged out to sea would be a valuable lesson to today’s youth… things that look dangerous probably are, so stay wherever your parents left ya.

Short RoundJust die already.

Verdict

Watch it.It’s mantertainment at its most basic.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a drink: each time breasts come out to play

Take a drink: every time a child does something stupid

Drink a shot: to toast every main character death


About Henry J. Fromage

Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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