By: Henry J. Fromage –

So, I waited on this one just to makes sure somebody wasn’t trying a spectacularly mixed up April Fools Day joke.  Nope, it appears that Beached, in which a four year old falls into the ocean and is raised by whales to be an Olympic swimmer, is in fact a real thing.  And yes, the guy that directed National Treasure, John Turtletaub, is handling it.  Wait… being raised by whales would probably severely retard your social skills and concept of what constitutes normal human behavior, wouldn’t it?

So that’s the Ryan Lochte story…

Now in news that might not suck- Michael Roskam, the director of Bullhead, is coming to Hollywood!  Yeah, getting Oscar nominations will tend to do that for ya, and having Brad Pitt step up and produce your flick sure doesn’t hurt either.  The Tiger was actually a Darren Aronofsky project at one time, and is about an animal activist that finds himself in a rather ironic position when a Siberian tiger starts attacking the small town he is in.  Guillermo Arriaga (Babel) wrote the screenplay, which is just one more feather in a cap that’s getting a little full of them.

Stop showing off, project.

Keeping in that foreign director theme, anybody even halfway familiar with Korean cinema should know Park Chan-Wook, the director of Oldboy and Thirst.  He just finished up his English language debut, Stoker, and now is moving on to 2006 Black List script The Brigands of Rattleborge.  The story is a Western in which a group of robbers hold up a small town under the cover of a huge rainstorm, and find that they bit off more than they can chew when the town sheriff and doctor go after them.  The script has taken this long to get in development due to some pretty graphic violence, but I’m pretty sure Park Chan-Wook can handle that…

That hammer’s not for nails