The Longest Yard (2005)

The Longest Yard (2005)
The Longest Yard (2005) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Katherine Balestrini (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Another remake of a classic tale, called The Longest Yard/Mean Machine, this time with Adam Sandler. Love him or hate him, he will keep making movies and we will keep hoping they are stupid, funny and he has cast his mates. This film ticks all of those boxes.

It starts, if you didn’t know, with an angry woman, a disgraced football player and ends up in jail. In jail he meets some colourful characters, all with good hearts of course, even though they look like they would rape your mother, sister and dog.

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He came at me from behind. I thought he was just going to sniff it!!!

In jail he ends up coaching and playing in a game of good old American Football: cons against the guards. Laughs aplenty, but this is as far from clever as it gets. Adam Sandler never disappoints, because you never really think “this is going to be a great movie”.

A Toast

An effortless watch and easily entertaining. Jokes aplenty, topless actors, violence that makes you scream…ohhhhhh, but can’t wait to see the crunch of snapping bones.  It doesn’t try too hard, but it seems that the actors had a great time making this movie and I am ashamed to say I did laugh so hard a little wee came out.

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Been friends since they were thin.

Beer Two

For Adam Sandler thinking he is cool enough to pull this role off. The cocky one liners, the stopping of the guards baton with his one hand, the woolly hat and picking a fight with a very disgruntled native American…

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Nathan Fillion is a cool guy. Not only is he confident, sexy and big enough to make you believe he played American Football, he was in Firefly.

Beer Three

Nelly?

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Stereotype much!! He had the tattoos, he had the attitude, but lacked EVERYTHING ELSE!!!

Verdict

3beers

Give it a watch, if you haven’t already. It is what it says: cons versus the guards.  There are some quality laughs and I can’t think of a bad American Football movie. If someone gets hurt, breaks a bone, inspires you to hit someone, then it’s a great football movie. This outdoes itself with ridiculous plays, but you have to love it. No bones break quite as brutally as they do in American Football. 1:10:40, 1:10:41, 1:10:42 and the amazing kick at 1:10:44!! Well, the last 40 minutes really.

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Adam’s sexy face. A prison movie, probably not the best time to see it. Saying that, look over his shoulder, they are queuing for it!!!

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: when you recognise someone from another Adam Sandler film.

Take a Drink: every time it reminds you of the original, because it’s the same words

Take a Drink: when the  AC/DC song starts

Take a BIG Shot: Burt Reynolds turns UP!!!EPIC!!!

Sympathy Shot: when Adam Sandler has sex!!! He only wishes it was with an inmate!!

About Katherine Balestrini

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