Jack and Jill (2011)

Jack and Jill (2011)
Jack and Jill (2011) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Marielle (Six Pack) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Adam Sandler plays Jack, a wealthy man with cute kids, a pretty wife, and a cool job as an advertising exec. His life is pretty darn swell save for one exception: a yearly visit from his insufferable twin sister, Jill (also played by Adam Sandler *record scratch* say whaaaat?) Things ensue when Jill visits for Thanksgiving and stuff.

The film opens with a montage of real life identical twins reciting lines that totally weren’t scripted about their relationship with their identical half, even though Jack and Jill are obviously fraternal twins because one of them has a peener and the other a pooner. Or is Jill his nocturnal twin, like a bat, as Nick Swardson’s character jests? Oh no, Nick Swardson! That literally makes no sense.

Let’s save our six pack for the rest of the movie. I chose rum and coke (and unfortunately had a stomach running on low.) There are many parts of the film that I can only recall like a fleeting fever dream today. Luckily, I took some trusty notes. I’m sure my tipsy chicken scrawl written in the dark will do this one justice.

A Toast

The adorable Indian kid who played their adopted son was acceptable.

Beer Two

Critics and other living people alike panned this movie based on the trailer alone. Is that fair? Yes. Because everyone can tell the trailer does an excellent job of portraying exactly what the movie is: an excuse for a string of bad jokes and cameos with a paper-thin plot that I described in my notes as “something I could have written as a severely hung over 11-year old.” Oh, people in the theatre enjoyed it. The same people who make Two and a Half Men Number One and who think it’s acceptable to check their cellphone every three and a half minutes to see if Trevor texted them. He didn’t. He hates you because you’re a goddamn idiot.

Beer Three

Cameos were speckled throughout this one like corn in your shit after the county fair. Johnny Depp even appeared for a few lines. Yeah. It was bizarre. But, then again, it’s not surprising at all since his career has turned into one big easy paycheck. The Happy Madison gang was out in droves: Swardson, Meadows, Covert, Spade, MacDonald, and Carvey. Not a single one made me laugh. I’m tempted to re-watch a couple of 90s Sandler films to see if my fond memories of their humour was based on my being in grade school. But, not that tempted.

Hmmm.

Beer Four

Only Jack is allowed to say mean things about Jill because she’s his sister. It’s his prerogative to be a dick. But, hey, Jill sucks: her voice is annoying and somehow more Bronx-y and Jewish-y than his, she’s passive aggressive and frustrating, she sweats buckets, she’s fat (but Jack is not, despite the fact that they’re the same person), and she’s dumb (is the internet on calculators?) But Jack never tries to reason with her or appreciate her for any redeeming qualities. Jack and his wife just roll their eyes at her behind her back. But, she loves her family and she knows how to have fun. In the end, rather than warming up to both of them, Jill remains annoying and Jack’s just a selfish dick who can’t put up with even a bit of a pain in his otherwise perfect life. His biggest problem is not getting a huge actor to star in his shitty commercial.

White people problems

He comes around in the end from more of a guilt trip than from seeing a need to fundamentally change.

Beer Five

Is for Al Pacino. This isn’t a cameo appearance–he’s a major character and is pivotal for the major ‘plotline’. Did he run over Sandler’s dog or something? Or has his 70s movie cred all run out?

Beer Six

For Jack and Jill pandering to stupidity. Or, that’s what I assume is happening. Maybe Sandler’s humour really has devolved over time. One of my favourite movies is Hot Rod, created by the dudes from The Lonely Island. It certainly can be argued that there is a fair amount of ‘dumb humor’ in that one. But, it’s genuinely funny because it’s well placed, it’s more of a silly-dumb than a low intelligence dumb, and you can tell they write jokes that make each other laugh. Whereas the majority of Happy Madison movies are written with the lowest common denominator in mind. This’ll make those slobbering idiots laugh. The jokes are mostly toilet and race humour with no irony or select usage. But, it’s okay, because the entire thing is pretty anti-white if you think about it.

Verdict

This cost an estimated 80 million to make. God blessAmerica.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for each fart joke

Take a Drink: for each race joke

Take a Drink: every time a cameo earns someone a sad paycheck

Down the Remainder of Your Current Drink: for the pony

Take a Shot: when David Spade appears

About Marielle Pawson

Marielle wanted to be a lot of things; now she writes about them instead. In addition to "The Weekend Pregame", she reviews and breaks down music videos for Screen Invasion. Visit her Twitter @mpaws and site at mariellepawson.com. Feel free to give her money and prizes. Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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