Immortals (2011)

Immortals (2011)
Immortals (2011) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Billy Arceneaux (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Sometimes, for me to recommend a film, it need only succeed at one thing. This thing can be most anything, from a specific casting choice to the director purposefully messing with the audience. Basically, if I like that one thing enough, I can ignore any other problems the movie may have. Is that shallow?

Zeus and the other Gods are in trouble. Their rule and existence are both put in danger when King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) threatens to unleash their greatest foes – the Titans. Unable to interfere in human affairs (in God-like form, anyways), Zeus puts his faith in a peasant named Theseus (Henry Cavill), the only one He believes that can defeat the evil King. Can Theseus do what the Gods ask of him before it’s too late? This is the general gist of Immortals.

A Toast

When I looked up showtimes for my local theatre, I was disappointed to find out that “Immortals” was ONLY being presented in 3D. Not that I don’t enjoy the format or anything, it’s just that it’s become hurried and overdone. It feels more like an extra cash grab instead of an enhancement. However, by the time I had witnessed a battle in the sky between Gods and Titans, I understood one thing; 3D is REQUIRED for this movie.

Yes, I am recommending that you pay an extra $3 or so based solely on the visual splendor. Considering the unique production design, the bold editing / transitions, and the photography of the action sequences, this may be the closest we will ever come to a Hollywood produced 3D Alejandro Jodorowsky film (in look, anyways). From the director, Tarsem Singh – “It’s a really hardcore action film done in Renaissance painting style”. Tickets on sale now, people.

Beer Two

My superficial acclaim now gives way to the film’s main problem; the story. Now, it’s not as painfully simplistic as the recent Conan the Barbarian film, but it is pretty close. It can literally be boiled down to bad guy wants to rule the world, he kills the hero’s parent, hero wants to stop bad guy. Sure, the story may be based on Greek Mythology, but it uses it rather loosely (the Minotaur is just a big guy in a helmet), in favor of presenting a ‘stuff your face with popcorn’ action flick. The movie deals a little bit with the characters’ spiritual faith, but it eventually forgets about it in order to concentrate on some pretty impressive slo-mo fight scenes. And, to be honest, at a certain point you’ll forget about this too. The movie is really pretty.

Action > Story

Beer Three

Also really pretty is Freida Pinto, who plays a prophetic priestess. In one scene, she decides to lay with Theseus, and undresses before the camera. Later, however, I discovered that this lovely rear end belonged to a butt double. Dammit! Though, on reflection, it’s still a butt.

She’s not really naked? One can always dream…

Verdict


When a person adds too much sugar to a coffee, I jokingly say “Would you like more coffee with your sugar?” In the case of Immortals, I say “Would you like more script with your production design?” The movie looks incredible. If you decide to buy a ticket, go with 3D – your eyes will thank you.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: whenever you question the blood pressure of some of the sword victims.

Take a Drink: for each grunt Mickey Rourke makes.

Drink a Shot: because even though Freida Pinto doesn’t actually get naked, we can still imagine it (and I “imagine” it’s awesome).

About Bill Arceneaux

Independent film critic from New Orleans and member of the Southeastern Film Critics Association (SEFCA).

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