Heartbreakers (2001)

Heartbreakers (2001)
Heartbreakers (2001) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Felix Felicis (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Never underestimate the power of the vagazzle. No, I’m not talking about the dubious decoration of lady parts with bling, but rather the age-old practice of the Cooter Con. Since the dawn of time, men have been drawn toward, and blinded by, the booty. And who can blame you? I’ve fallen prey to the Almighty Abs once or twice… or more times, myself. This film gets my ladywood in its full and upright position due to copious amounts of hotness. Buckle up, fellow Boozers, this one’s a teat! I mean, a treat!

Heartbreakers follows a mother/daughter conman team as they hoodwink, bamboozle, scam and otherwise bilk unsuspecting men out of their hard-earned, and not-so-hard-earned money. Their duo is about to split when the IRS spanks them into bankruptcy after tax-evasion for the better part of a decade. Forced into one last con, everything goes tits-up as the shit hits the fan in a big way. Feelings, hearts, and bank accounts get broken in this charmingly devious affair de coeur.

A Toast

Heartbreakers does a bang-up job establishing and developing depth in its characters. The chemistry between Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt as mother and daughter is refreshingly, irreverently, hilarious. They’re both believable in addition to being an incredibly charismatic duo. And that’s before you add in a rough-around-the-edges Ray Liotta who almost steals the show the more you get to know his character. Honorable mention goes out to Jason Lee who does a creditable job as the most perfectly perfect man on the face of the planet. Also, he’s pretty. Shame he’s not a devotee of the Matthew McConaughey School of Acting (regrettably Lee spends very little time shirtless). This movie is one of my go-to guilty pleasures as it may not be the most original cookie in the box, but goddamn if it’s not one of my favorite motherfuckers to scarf down when I’m in the mood for a chick flick.

If sitting on this face is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
If sitting on this face is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

Beer Two

Though Heartbreakers aspires to be emotionally impactful as well as comedic, its breadth is too wide and depth too shallow to really make a lasting impression. While the characters are engaging, and the gags delightful, the whole package is somewhat lacking in intensity. I spent the film entirely engrossed in what I was watching, but not particularly moved by the “betrayals” and “counter-betrayals” happening onscreen. Much like expecting more than one facial expression out of Keanu Reeves, don’t go into this looking for anything more than shits and giggles and you’ll be a’ight.

Beer Three

Heartbreakers is like a copy of a photo of a picture. When boiled down to the nuts and bolts, this storyline has been done more times than a Jersey Shore fist pump. At it’s core, this movie is a remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels… which is a remake of Bedtime Story. While it won’t win any awards for most original idea, Heartbreakers still manages to be enjoyable fluff. There’s enough substance to enjoy it for what it is and walk away pretty jazzed about life.

Probably not this jazzed.
Probably not this jazzed.

Verdict

3beers

Heartbreakers is that dude/chick who you get super wasted and handsy with in a bar before giving them a fake name and six-digit phone number. It’s not a bad way to kill some time and I’ve made far worse decisions, both in bars AND in theaters.

I’ve also made less-than-stellar decisions elsewhere.
I’ve also made less-than-stellar decisions elsewhere.

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for each flim-flam, hoodwink, caper, and shenanigan.

Take a Drink: anytime someone in the movie drinks.

Do a Shot: for every wedding/divorce.

Take a Drink: each time J-Love goes rabid bitch on J-Lee.

Shotgun a Beer: anytime cock kills. You’ll know when.

About Felix Felicis

Filled with smart-assed sass and armed with the expletives to prove it, Felix Felicis is a critic adrift in a sea of dirty thoughts and tawdry humor. If you see her float by, toss Felix some beef jerky and a taser. She'll take it from there.

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