By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Six Pack) –
The 1980’s saw the release of a whole slew of sword and sandal movies based around oiled muscle men in loincloths and oiled muscle women in as little as possible. The popularity of this trent spawned many franchises, from Conan the Barbarian to the Beastmaster. It was only natural that this would be co-opted by Television and turned into an intensely homoerotic cartoon for children, and He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was born.
Yeah… rub that long hard sword…
The series’ creators quickly noticed that they were missing out on a potential crossover target audience, and therefore quite awkwardly courted the woman-folk with spinoff She-Ra. The two were married together for one brief and painful (albeit consensual) moment of forced love, in The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special.
In the special, sweetly retarded wizard “Orko” hitches a ride to Earth and unintentionally kidnaps two children from Earth, bringing them back to He-Man’s planet Eternia. While He-Man and She-Ra join forces to fight evil, the children teach them the meaning and spirit of Christmas.
There is a reason that alcohol and drug abuse cases dropped considerably in the 80’s, and it had nothing to do with Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” campaign. Cartoons of the 80s regularly produced hallucinations as vivid as a 3-day bender of mescaline, hookers, and blow.
THESE COLORS SMELL AMAZING
Advice: don’t be afraid to take the brown acid, just sit back, and enjoy the craziness.
The Children… teach about Christmas.
Within 10 years after viewing this special, 70% of the audience died, and no one knows why. Did anybody take even a moment of time to consider that cuteness is an cancer-causing carcinogen? Of course not, that would make too much sense.
God help us all, I think I’ll go kill myself.
They’re like Transformers, for retarded toddlers…
In spite of outward appearance, Skeletor has always been a pretty wimpy villain. But the show’s writers decided to emasculate him even further, when the children find a Manchine Dog, he is taught about love…
Why after all this time does anybody keep Orko around? At the time this show came out, 90% of children’s shows had a comic relief character whose sole reason for existence was to serve as the cheap plot device. Thus assuring that, 20+ years later, as childhood fans begin to revisit their favorite series, they come away from the experience with nothing but regret.
Surprisingly watchable after all these years, but for all the wrong reasons.
Take a Drink: for every “cute” moment
Take a Drink: for unintentionally gay dialog
Do a Shot: when He-Man and/or She-Ra hasssssss theeeeee pooooooweeeeeeer