The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special (1985)

The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special (1985)
The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special (1985) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Six Pack) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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The 1980’s saw the release of a whole slew of sword and sandal movies based around oiled muscle men in loincloths and oiled muscle women in as little as possible.  The popularity of this trent spawned many franchises, from Conan the Barbarian to the Beastmaster.  It was only natural that this would be co-opted by Television and turned into an intensely homoerotic cartoon for children, and He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was born.

Yeah… rub that long hard sword…

The series’ creators quickly noticed that they were missing out on a potential crossover target audience, and therefore quite awkwardly courted the woman-folk with spinoff She-Ra.  The two were married together for one brief and painful (albeit consensual) moment of forced love, in The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special.

In the special, sweetly retarded wizard “Orko” hitches a ride to Earth and unintentionally kidnaps two children from Earth, bringing them back to He-Man’s planet Eternia.  While He-Man and She-Ra join forces to fight evil, the children teach them the meaning and spirit of Christmas.

A Toast

There is a reason that alcohol and drug abuse cases dropped considerably in the 80’s, and it had nothing to do with Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” campaign.  Cartoons of the 80s regularly produced hallucinations as vivid as a 3-day bender of mescaline, hookers, and blow.

THESE COLORS SMELL AMAZING

Advice: don’t be afraid to take the brown acid, just sit back, and enjoy the craziness.

Beer Two

The Children… teach about Christmas.

Within 10 years after viewing this special, 70% of the audience died, and no one knows why.  Did anybody take even a moment of time to consider that cuteness is an cancer-causing carcinogen?  Of course not, that would make too much sense.

Beer Three

And then the children start rainbowing… and then singing…

God help us all, I think I’ll go kill myself.

Beer Four

Manchines…

 They’re like Transformers, for retarded toddlers…

Beer Five

In spite of outward appearance, Skeletor has always been a pretty wimpy villain.  But the show’s writers decided to emasculate him even further, when the children find a Manchine Dog, he is taught about love…

Beer Six

Why after all this time does anybody keep Orko around? At the time this show came out, 90% of children’s shows had a comic relief character whose sole reason for existence was to serve as the cheap plot device.  Thus assuring that, 20+ years later, as childhood fans begin to revisit their favorite series, they come away from the experience with nothing but regret.

Verdict

Surprisingly watchable after all these years, but for all the wrong reasons.

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for every “cute” moment

Take a Drink: for unintentionally gay dialog

Do a Shot: when He-Man and/or She-Ra hasssssss theeeeee pooooooweeeeeeer

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they’re confused about something) at least a few times a week. I’ve gotten way off track here… The point is, Oberst is one of the website’s founders, so… yeah

2 comments

  1. This looks like a trip and a half… might have to beer up and give it a shot.

  2. This movie holds a very special place in my heart. Growing up in the 80s everyone had something He-Man or She-Ra and the Christmas Special is no exception. My kids haven’t seen the zaniness that comes with these two shows especially Orko who always got into more trouble than anything else. In this case he brings those unsuspecting children to the alien planet and everyone has a good time. My DISH co-worker has great memories of this movie and encouraged me to watch it with the family. The holidays are here and I’m definitely renting this movie for my kids. I’ve added the film to Blockbuster @Home from DISH and the movie will come via mail in just a few days. Blockbuster let’s me choose from 100,000 different titles from the comfort of home which means I have never ending entertainment.

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