Gambit (2012)

image001By: Katherine Balestrini (Four Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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A film pretty much doing what everyone has wanted to do at one point or another in their career, get sweet revenge on their boss. This film is exactly that, however it has the lovely Colin Firth as the poor Henry. And has the delicious Alan Rickman as his evil boss. A man so pretentious that it makes you want to slap your own boss. The icing on the cake is the lovely, sexy Cameron Diaz adding a little chaos to a ‘flawless’ plan.

Henry, an art curator, has found a rare piece of art that is on the wall in a caravan in Texas. All Henry has to do is persuade his boss to buy it from the lovely Texan, PJ, who knows very little about art. Who Henry has persuaded to join him in a con to steal the rare piece of art, which is actually a forgery. Then all will be shiny.  Henry and PJ will be rich and Lionel Shahbandar will be £15 million worse off and maybe, just maybe, a little more humble. That is if everything goes to plan.

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I promise you will learn nothing about art in this movie, except the name of this painting by Monet.

A Toast

A film reminiscent of After the Fox from 1966 or 1955’s The Ladykillers, but not as well-written. It’s a very British affair; if there is anything the British enjoy it’s a good con. This tries hard to make you like the characters of Henry, the major, and PJ. However, it is far too stereotypical and it makes you want to scream!

If Henry is as broke as it seems, maybe he shouldn’t have wasted his parents’ money on a private education.  One can only pay for an accent like that, it is not learnt, it is paid for. The major is, of course, quintessentially British, but a major of which war? The Zulu one!!! Then there is the boss, typically British, owns a mansion, a business, and is rude to everyone except something in a low cut top!! STOP!! If somehow they don’t manage to offend the entire population of Britain, there is the Texan, PJ, who lives in a caravan with her tobacco chewing granny and plucks chickens for a living. All they were missing was the gun!! And don’t even get me started on the Chinese!!!

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Beer Two

The con is never really that complicated or believable. The cast seems to be having a fun time and who wouldn’t? Punching a British chap and watching a pretty blonde bouncing round the place. The film could have tried a little more….I have no idea, it’s just mediocre. It probably cost more to make this film than it should have and the fact is that it tried to do a good old fashioned movie with good old fashioned acting. Good for them, not so good for the audience.

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Employed for her talent?

Beer Three

To the quality of the actors in this movie. Colin Firth, Alan Rickman, Stanley Tucci. What did they think they were making, because surely they would not have made this willingly? Maybe the director had some sort of blackmail material on them, maybe they were kidnapped themselves, but whatever happened to get them all in the same place at the same time, should be found and killed.

Beer Four

The humour in it is funny, but not a belly laugh funny. More I farted and no one knew it was me funny. Colin Firth does have nice legs, but then so does Cameron Diaz.  All in all, as a comedy it’s ok, as a con it’s ok, as a movie, it is not ok!

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Verdict

4Beers

Watch it at your own peril. It’s a fair movie and it has some great actors who could probably do this movie in their sleep. However, if you wonder what 5% of the British population and the Queen sound like this is the movie for you!!

 

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time you think, “Really, Mr. Darcy this is what we are reduced to?”

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Mr. Darcy, the only real man in Britain.

Take a Drink: when you see a shiny, freshly oiled leg, arm, or stomach of Cameron Diaz

Take a Drink: when you wish you were in a pub/bar and not watching this

Do a Shot: when you wish you had not seen Alan Rickman naked!!

Do a Shot: when you realise this has nothing to do with the X-Men!

About Katherine Balestrini

One comment

  1. It’s a Coen Brothers script, so I was hoping for more, but it sounds like it’s obvious why they chose to pass on directing it themselves.

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