By: Oberst Von Berauscht (Four Beers) –
In the year 1983 Heavy Metal and Conan the Barbarian made love, and from their womb was born Fire and Ice, proving that the combination of two incredibly awesome things becomes something that is kinda awesome, but also sort of stupid, though really awesomely stupid, with a side of chicken and rice. It is a world where the good King lives in a volcano, and the evil Ice Queen lives in a glacial palace. Where women can go around in a string bikini and never catch so much as a cold. Most importantly, it is a world straight out of a Molly Hatchet album cover.
Somewhere a Frank Frazetta fan is getting hard…
Some people wonder why they cannot make cartoons like this anymore. There are several reasons. For one thing rotoscoping and hand drawn animation is just too much work when computers do half the job. Also, animated films are haunted by a stigma that they must be safe for the viewing of younger audiences. In truth, if they allowed cartoons to become any more badass than this, there would be nothing left for future generations to accomplish.
I think I just shat a battleaxe
Cynthia Leake, the voice of Princess Teegra, delivers her dialog in much the same way that a skilled actress wouldn’t. She seems bored with her character, and who could really blame her? Teegra is the Lois Lane of the ancient world, being captured, rescued, recaptured, and rescued again at least three times in this 80 minute movie.
Above: Teegra’s real purpose for appearing in this film.
While I cannot fault the filmmakers for their love of the curvy bits of the female build… No, I guess I can’t fault them on that at all… come to think of it, what am I complaining about?
While the film does steal wholesale from previous fantasy adventures, it does manage to bring the awesome, embodied in Darkwolf.
Even Chuck Norris would have his man-babies
Rotoscoping is an unusual form of animation, essentially just painting over live action footage, but it certainly has its place in animation, especially for filmmakers trying to make their animated movements as human-like as possible. However this film takes rotoscoping to the extreme. Nearly every shot is done using this method, giving the film an otherworldly feel that might have otherwise not been present. Sometimes I wonder what the film would have looked like if they’d left out the animated cells and just shot it live-action.
Yeah… that’s pretty much it.
With enough blood and sex to fill what is, on second thought, a rather unpleasant sandwich, Fire and Ice delivers the goods. Certainly the message delivered is the classic one of good vs evil, but at least that message has tits.
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: whenever Nekron’s name is mentioned
Take a Drink: each time the word fire or ice is used
Drink a Shot: for obligatory boobage