Final Destination 5 (2011)

Final Destination 5 (2011)
Final Destination 5 (2011) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Henry J. Fromage (Four Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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The last installment of this horror franchise was entitled The Final Destination, and was supposed to be the end of the series.  186 million dollars later a sequel was greenlit, and normally I would be against this flip-flopping.  Still, the last one really sucked, and if the producers decide it’s enough, Final Destination 5 will be a high note for the series to go out on.

The narrowly avoided, death-defying disaster in this film is a suspension bridge collapse, probably my biggest childhood paranoia.

After Bozo

After our obligatory cast of twenty-somethings and David Koechner survive this due to a convenient premonition, death starts collecting the lives it missed out on in a series of gruesome and increasingly unlikely kills.  You know, the general Final Destination formula.

A Toast

Well, not exactly.  I definitely have to give a nod to the attempt to mix things up a bit.  A new wrinkle to the formula is that you can kill someone and take their remaining years, which makes for some interesting situations, particularly involving my favorite actor in the film, low-rent, bushy-browed Tom Cruise impersonator, Miles Fisher.

He’s kinda got a thing goin on with that

The real draw, obviously, are the elaborate death sentences, and I’m happy to report this film has some of the best of the series.  They’re even less direct than usual, full of tension-building red herrings, and then deliver Rube Goldberg-style payoffs that got my theater screaming, and definitely justified the extra 3D expense.

What puts this film on par with the best of the series (definitely the second one) is the ending.  It goes where you almost certainly won’t expect it to, and, coupled with the callback heavy, Bond-like intro credits, bring the franchise to a satisfying conclusion.

Unlike some people, who just don’t know when to quit…

Beer Two

Unsurprisingly, acting has never been a strong suit for the series, but goddam.  You get what you pay for, and from the results the studio hooked a dollar bill on a fishing pole and dragged it past a community theater.

Beer Three

Final Destination V also seems convinced they need a plot for some reason.  You’ll need a beer to get through woodenly delivered conversations about relationships and back to the good stuff.

Beer Four

To this.

Most of the deaths are stunningly improbable, but they’re not even trying here.  “Lasik has a laser, right?  Isn’t that a weapon in Star Wars or something?  Good enough.  Now, moving on to acupuncture…”

Verdict

If you’re utterly against seeing two-dimensional stereotypes die in gory, sickening ways, kudos.  You’re a better person than most of us.  If you’re the opposite, this movie has got you covered.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time you think someone will die, and they don’t

Take a Drink: and then they do

Drink a Shot: every time Tom Cruise wigs out

 

Last Call

Stick around during the credits for a montage of deaths from the whole series.

About Henry J. Fromage

Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

2 comments

  1. A spectacularly hilarious review on a stunningly so-so film. Beer Two had me laughing all the way to the keg. Nicely done.

  2. Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. One of the lines I’m most proud of.

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