Feast 3: The Happy Finish (2009)

Feast 3 (2009) Movie Review
Feast 3 (2009) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Henry J. Fromage (Four Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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I’m going to start off by stating that I haven’t seen either Feast or Feast 2, and that I prefer it that way.Perhaps watching the first two would help you make some sense of this Himalayan blizzard of tits, gore, and nonsense, but I somehow doubt it.So, save yourself a few hours and skip right to the dessert.


The fatty, decadent dessert

A Toast

Words fail to describe what exactly is going on here, so I’ll skip the synopsis.If you like monsters, boobies, guts, 8th grade humor, or some combination of these, then this is probably up your alley.The movie starts out at full speed, immediately introducing characters and then killing them within minutes, many of them midgets.This continues for the entire duration of the film…

Beer Two

…and that’s your plot.If you think you see character development happening, then it’s just an elaborate setup to kill the character right after you start giving a shit about them.If this bothers you, this probably isn’t the movie for you.

Feast 3 monsterDon’t get attached

Beer Three

Every once in awhile, the filmmakers take a stab at being artsy.The entire rest of the film is aimed in the exact opposite direction, which makes it particularly strange when the movie goes all Diving Bell & the Butterfly on you.

The Diving Bell and the ButterflyProbably not the same target audience…

Beer Four

I can go all six pack on this one, but there’s something oddly fascinating about the manic insanity and gratuitousness.You can’t make this movie on accident.So, this beer will have to go to the ending.Many of you will hate it, which is why it’s on the bad beer side of the ledger.I personally think it’s the greatest ending in cinematic history.All I can say is that there’s a robot and a mariachi Elvis.How much more of an endorsement do you need?

Mariachi Elvis, Feast 3Fuck you Citizen Kane.Mariachi Elvis has bested you once more.

Verdict

Watch it.If you’re fine with flipping your brain switch off for 90 minutes this movie is awesome in a can.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a drink: whenever somebody dies without foreshadowing

Take a drink: when somebody is double-crossed

Drink a shot: whenever a little person dies


About Henry J. Fromage

Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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