By: Oberst von Berauscht (Four Beers) –
Satanists have kidnapped a baby, and they’re planning to sacrifice him to bring hell to earth.Now, it’s up to John Milton to take on the evil cult.He is pursued by “The Accountant”, a mysterious loner with a penchant for telling people their date and time of death (and being right).
No, it isn’t Charlie Sheen’s fever dream, it is…
DRIVE ANGRY 3D
First we drink to the good.This film has a brazen lack of good taste, flouting its violence, sex appeal and “don’t give a shit” attitude.A modern day retelling of High Plains Drifter, Drive Angry follows the character Milton (Nicholas Cage) from hell to earth and reaping vengeance.The character of the Accountant is particularly interesting, having a violent obsession with finding Cage, and a calm but determined sociopathic demeanor. The violence is often satisfying, but especially when the weapon being used is a 17th century volley gun named “The God Killer”.
Alas, for all the film’s badass credentials, there is a large amount of suck that needs to be disseminated.
While in an admirable attempt to maintain the mystery in the characters until the second act, the film’s opening scenes are quizzical at best.Often you’ll be confused by the plot structure, and are given no clues to go by.This leads you to believe that Nicholas Cage’s character was just created by following Cage on his daily routine.This isn’t helped by the poor supporting cast and painfully forced dialog, which ensures you will stop caring and just hope for another special effect to gawk at.
For a movie that prides itself at being in eye-raping 3-D, you’ll be pleased to know that there are some really cool, creative scenes using the technology (at one point a newly dismembered hand flies at the screen).Unfortunately, most of the time the 3-D doesn’t even seem to be utilized, reducing the effects shots to merely awkward moments when the 3-D element is removed.Like when the Accountant flips a coin and the camera pans up so that the coin shoots at the screen.This is the definition of gimmicky filmmaking.
This one goes to Nicholas Cage, who could have saved this film from action mediocrity with a batshit insane performance that has become a trademark of his movies.Instead, we’re treated to a calm, collected Cage.It isn’t a bad performance so to speak, but for a movie this over the top, he is very low-key.If you’re not certain why I’m disappointed, here is the reason:
Worth a look to action fans for some unusual choices, but very average overall
Bonus Drinking Game
Take a Drink: whenever something is thrown unnecessarily at the camera for bogus 3D novelty
Take a Drink: when the Accountant kills someone
Down a shot: when the Accountant flips a coin in awkward slow motion