Die Hard 2 (1990)

Die Hard 2 (1990)
Die Hard 2 (1990) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Jake Turner (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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In 1988, a groundbreaking action film introduced us to NYPD cop John McClane battling criminal mastermind Hans Gruber and his band of mercenaries at L.A.’s  Nakatomi Plaza. Die Hard was born.

In 1990, John McClane is fighting his toughest enemy yet. A…uh…cartoonish, bland, renegade colonel bent on taking over an airport in WashingtonDC. It’s a rehash that’s part exciting and part laughable. It’s DIE HARD 2!

A movie like this deserves a particular brew. However, it’s a delicious, imaginative beer that only after watching a movie like this, you wish you could have a Duff beer.

It’s Christmas time…again. This time, McClane is at DullesInternationalAirport in DC to pick up his wife, Holly, while the kids are stuck with her parents. After a mistaken towing, he charms his wife into hiding the Candy Cane at a hotel.  McClane is then caught in a terrorist plot led by Colonel Stuart, played with boredom by William Sadler.

A Toast

Thank god for Bruce Willis because he has made McClane into an iconic, smart, blue collar badass spewing out one-liners and making us clap with glee. He and he alone saves Die Hard 2 from suffering the same fate as Another Stakeout. Director Renny Harlin does goes beyond the lackluster plot with some spectacular action sequences, including McClane ejecting out of a plane full of grenades and a badass finale that just makes you jump out of your seat. Don’t worry fans, the violence is still slam bang and the villains get a taste of McClane’s gun one by one. Absurd but legendary!

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WHEEEEEEE! Don’t try this at home.

Beer Two

The true necessary ingredient to a Die Hard film is a suave, smooth, calculated villain. Colonel Stuart is NONE of those. He delivers his lines like a bad 60’s Batman villain but without the cackling. He believes that if he emphasizes eye contact it will show that he’s crazy. Yeah, Colonel Klink from Hogan’s Heroes was more menacing. However, he can turn off a TV faster than anyone while naked.  Don’t ask why he’s naked or so angry at the TV because we never get an answer.  He’s not memorable or funny. Just forgettable.

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I’m sorry, Renny. This is as big as I can get my eyes. Damn, my hair looks good slicked back, though.

Beer Three

At times, Die Hard 2 suffers through sequelitis. It puts way too much in a simplistic plot. Such as the escaped Russian General, and the coincidental Special Forces ran by a major that loves to scowl. Wait a minute, there could be more to this Major than we thought. At least he was played by the memorable John Amos, yay. However, the one that had me craving a Duff was that shootout at the church. When they were switching out the red taped magazine for the blue taped one, I just couldn’t believe how amateurish it was, if you don’t see bullet holes around the area. They must be BLANKS! Jeez.

Verdict

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Die Hard 2 is not necessarily a bad movie, but it’s a rehash of everything that made the original memorable. While it has terrific action sequences, McClane one liners, and his wife, Holly, taking care of business in the air, it suffers from a thin plot, an cartoonish villain, and at times, absurdity in its twists. Only watch Die Hard 2 if you just finished the original and you want more John McClane. Have a six pack ready, but take down half of them before the hour point to enjoy it. YIPPIE-KI-YAY, Mother…ah skip it.

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: when the baddies do something idiotic like say a cheesy one-liner or take on McClane
Shotgun a Beer: when McClane runs out to the snowy runway
Take a Drink: when Colonel Stuart makes his eyes big
Do a Shot: every time you hear military jargon; trust me, it’s silly.

About Jake Turner

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