Chimpanzee (2012)

Chimpanzee (2012)
Chimpanzee (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

By: LivingDeadGuy (Three Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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From Cabin In The Woods one week to Chimpanzee the next….oh this is going to be fun.  Also, I just watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes…there may be some cross over commentary from Caesar.

So what’s this movie about?  Well, if you ask Caesar he’d probably say something like “primates being unknowingly filmed for human amusement; fighting amongst themselves like lower class citizens.”  What is a movie- even a documentary with animals- without a main character and some conflict?!  The main chimp is Oscar (Caesar: “Which is what Andy Serkis got screwed out of in his portrayal of….me!”) and from beginning to end we go through the first three years of his life, but mainly the first sixish months.  Like any creature in existence, Oscar’s life has its ups and downs and we get to experience some.

You think it’s easy BEING a primate?  Try PLAYING one!

I don’t even know how to beer-grade this movie.  Can’t compare it to anything (legitimately) and it’s not exactly a movie I was pining to see.  Here we go….

A Toast

To the narration!  Ha, loophole!  They got Tim Allen to voice over (no, he doesn’t speak for Oscar, he narrates Oscar…and every other chimp…like Morgan Freeman did to the Penguins.  Remember that?  No?  Oh, you didn’t see it either?)  Tim added a needed comedic spark to this.  A very dim, weak spark, but one no less.  We got a few spots where he makes fun of their eating habits to the amusement of the 5 and 85 year olds alike watching this.  AND!  And, and, and, a homage to Tim Taylor.  I think he negotiates that into every contract he signs…or maybe he’s forced to.  (“You will grunt and you will LIKE it!”)

Two Beers

No way I was going to put this in the realm of Die Hard and Cabin In The Woods!  How about I tackle Disney for originality in a spoiler filled paragraph that says the villain (Caesar: HEY!  You mean “Chimpanzee brethren” you hairless dope!  You have the gift of speech and you waste it on trivial nonsense!) is named “Scar” and the parent dies.  Yeah, Disney parks may be the happiest places on Earth but their movies have more depression and angst than Kristen Stewart attempts to portray in her movies.

Her reaction to both Bambi’s Mom AND Mufasa.

Three Beers

I was surprised that a G rated documentary was 90 minutes.  I’d figure half of…no wait, the entire audience would either be asleep or not know where they are after that long.  Did that even qualify as a beer?  Complaining about a Disney animal documentary being 90 minutes?

Verdict

My excitement level was clearly through the roof to see the movie.  In all fairness it, like plenty of other movies (like my precious horror movies) has its niche.  If you like primates or animal documentaries, this is for you and you’ll come back to chastise me for a multi-beer review.  The movie just was not for me, but I’m trying to be nice about it since it was assigned and not a movie on Netflix I could drink beer to.

 

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time Disney (or your mind) go into the gutter.  (Freddy’s nuts)

Take a Drink: for those glow in the dark mushrooms that probably looked exactly how they’d make you feel

Do a Shot: for apparently how picky of eaters Chimps are!  “The forests of Africa house very few meals for Chimps”.  So says the movie.

About livingdeadguy

Movieboozer is a humor website and drinking games are intended for entertainment purposes only, please drink responsibly.

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