Celebrity Sex Tape (2012)

By: Wonko The Sane (Four Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

Loading... 

A group of College students bumble their way into fame when their video of sex with a famous actress winds up online.  Pretty soon they find themselves the producers of a series of porn tapes starring every has-been in Hollywood.  Soon the money is pouring in, (because in this movie’s world pageviews actually translate to wealth) until their lives are threatened by a maniacal manager who tries to bilk them out of their hard-earned cash.

“He said Hard”…

A Toast

This movie is either the worst sex comedy ever made, or the greatest work of genre parody ever created.  It is wrong-headed, tasteless, and completly disgusting.  And yet, it is all of these same traits that endear me to it so much.  Celebrity Sex Tape is the sweetly retarded man-child of comedy… if that man-child suffered from chronic masturbation.

“That’s just fucked up.”  -Ed

Beer Two

If you’re going to do a film about celebrity exploitation it would probably help if your celebrity characters actually looked like famous people.  The “celebrities” in this movie look more like washed up porn stars… which makes sense from a budgetary perspective, considering how much nudity the film contains.

Beer Three

What is with the nasty squashing sounds they use during the sex scenes?  The Foley artist seems to think that the sound of slowly stomping on an orange was the right artistic decision.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3Uz9tJM8HA

It took about 5 seconds to find this video on youtube…  you’re welcome

Beer Four

The movie is at its best when going out of its way to be bogus.  The sex-related hijinks are so outrageously terrible that it easily outdoes most teen-sex comedies out there.  The film of course is a straight to DVD unrated release, so they don’t have to conform to MPAA ratings regulations.  Sadly, when it is trying to be funny it fails miserably.  I found myself laughing madly at the film’s failures however, so I don’t quite know what to say…

This movie seems to be what happens when creepy shut-ins are allowed to make a movie.

We can spot our own kind…

Verdict

You might find yourself laughing at it more than with it, but then again, isn’t the point of a comedy to make you laugh?  As far as I’m concerned, that is all that matters.

Bonus Drinking Game

Take a Drink: with every random jump-cut that substitutes for comic timing

Take a Drink: when a character starts speaking Elvish

Drink a Shot: … you know, just drink a shot… often.

 

About Oberst von Berauscht

Oberst Von Berauscht once retained the services of a Gypsy to imbue in him the ability to accurately describe the artistic qualities of a film up to seven decimal points. To maintain this unique skill, he must feast on the blood of a virgin every Harvest Moon, or failing that (and he usually does), he can also make a dog do that thing they do where they twist their heads slightly (you know, when they're confused about something) at least a few times a week. I've gotten way off track here... The point is, Oberst is one of the website's founders, so... yeah

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!