The Baytown Outlaws (2012)

The Baytown Outlaws (2012)
The Baytown Outlaws (2012) DVD / Blu-ray

By: Hank Bagwell (Two Beers) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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Baytown Outlaws is a film about three brothers who are recruited by Eva Longoria to go fetch her godson from her ex husband, Billy Bob Thornton.

(Wait…I interrupt this review to comment on how BBT always gets paired with extremely hot actresses.  Halle Berry, Eva, Angelina, Laura Dern, Lauren Graham, Cynda Williams, Frances McDormand, Scarlett Johansson, Charlize Theron, Natasha Richardson, Lisa Blount, Virginia Madsen, Susan Sarandon… Just an observation.  Dude is a freakin’ rockstar.  Especially that coffee table scene with Halle, in Monsters Ball… (brb))

Screen shot 2013-03-26 at 9.34.45 AM

ANNNNND we’re back!

Anyway, the brothers are outlaws in a true sense of the word yet they are unbothered by the local lawmen, mainly because these three only take out bad criminals, which in turn, lowers the crime rate. It isn’t long before a bigger law gun shows up wanting answers as to why cases aren’t being solved, and so begins the plot twists.

So these three brothers are funny, entertaining and they put on a good show.  It’s not going to change your life or anything but you will enjoy it, provided you like the over the top, quick guy humor, Tarantino-type movie.  THAT being said, I read a review (which I rarely do, from someone whose opinions I don’t admire) from a yuppie, wanna be, film critic, (who probably has never tried to write a script, make a film, edit, anything) and he said it was awful.  That it was a cross between the Coen brothers and Tarantino…

REALLY??!!  A cross between three of the greatest filmmakers of this generation and he said it sucked??  You know what that makes him??  You guessed it… It makes him a fucking idiot, or, as I like to say, a fidiot.

It’s a bit over the top, but it has badass car chases, smokin’ hot girls who are assassins, all kinds of shoot’em up scenes and some of the best one-liners I have seen in a while!  Besides, it comes out on DVD this week… What the hell else are you watching that would be better?? The Cabin In the Woods? (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself!)

BBT and Eva don’t have huge roles, but they bring credibility to a film that lets the boys shine a little bit.  When you watch it, look for my favorite line of the movie.  It’s when the car chase/gun fight “Hey, Waterworld” scene is happening, and they fly by a cop car (its in the trailer).  The cop in the driver’s seat cracks me up with his line!

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A Toast

It has great character development and the story line isn’t too bad.  It’s a classic guy movie with great performances.  The three brothers are terrific in their exchanges.  It’s over the top, sure, but worth your time.  Don’t be a critic, just enjoy the film for what it is, and you wont be disappointed.  I didn’t give this film two beers because it had some major contribution to film, or the cinematography was outstanding, yada yada yada…  I gave it two beers because I ENJOYED the movie and it was entertaining!

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Beer Two

One of the brothers sounds EXACTLY like Ray McKinnon, but maybe he really talks like that in real life.  If he does, awesome, but it did temporarily distract me.   Truthfully, if that’s all I had to bitch about, I should have given it just a toast, but ya’ll know the rule… it’s no Pulp Fiction.  Maybe  my rating was generous.  If you feel like it should’ve been three or four, feel free to funnel the other beers during the credits.

Verdict

2beers

Anyway, enjoy the film, I think you’ll like it.  Like I said, it’s not the greatest film ever made, but it was fun and I don’t feel like I need a refund, like that time I was in Mexico and there was this peep show with a woman and a herd of chickens… Turns out, it wasn’t as exciting as I had imagined it would be.

 

Drinking Game

Take a Drink: every time you laugh at a quirky one liner.

Take a Drink: every time another group of assassins show up.

Take a Drink: every time you think you heard Ray McKinnon.

Do a Shot: when Billy Bob says something sarcastic.

About Hank Bagwell

One comment

  1. I’d only seen one, lackluster, review for this one, so it’s interesting to see a positive take on it, and makes me want to track it down and give it a watch.

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