American Pie Presents: Band Camp (2005)

American Pie Presents: Band Camp (2005)
American Pie Presents: Band Camp (2005) DVD/Blu-Ray

By: Shaun Wren (Six Pack) –
How many beers do you recommend for this movie?
1 Beer! A Toast! Great Movie!2 Beers! Good Movie!3 Beers! Okay Movie!4 Beers! Mediocre Movie!5 Beers! Awful Movie!6-Pack! Bad movie! Do not be Sober!

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In the first of the DVD series of the American Pie franchise we get to meet Steve Stiflers younger brother Matt (Tad Hilgenbrinck). Matt gets sent to band camp where he create havoc and tries to make a hidden camera porn movie in this apparently outrageous and hilarious slice of pie ever.

A Toast

Yeah, let’s have another beer, shall we?

Beer Two

No still not drunk enough to enjoy this film.

Beer Three

I don’t understand why Matt Stifler is played by Tad Hilgenbrinck instead of Eli Mariental, who was the original Matt in the first two American Pie films.  Also, there are only three okay scenes in this movie. First you see Matt playing the bagpipes, secondly it was the pranks, and last it’s the boobs because they are something else to look at instead of this film.

It also comes to me that this movie is rated 15 for bad language, but it doesn’t say anything about the girls getting their tits out and it shouldn’t. It’s more like 12A then anything because if you remove most of the pointless swearing then it’s more in that age range.

Beer Four

The inclusion of Jim’s dad really fucks me off because he doesn’t need to be there.  Also, why this film trying to make this Stifler a caring person after deleting the porn movie and finding out that his big brother is an A-grade asshole when it shouldn’t make a difference?

Beer Five

The script of this movie is crap because it says nothing about why is this following Matt Stifler in East Great Falls. I mean, there must be thousands of high schools across the US, so wouldn’t it made more sense to make a new American Pie film away from the original settings even if it was for DVD.  It could have made the franchise fresher.

Beer Six

“Outrageous” and “hilarious” should not have been used to describe this movie because there are children’s films that are funnier than this. Also, there is no real stand out character, not even the lead, because if Sean William Scott is the poor man then Hilgenbrinck is the dog on the piece of string.

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I think I’ve watched porn movies that are better than this lump of horse shit. I mean, really, the director and producers should have been shot and someone from Universal should have been sacked for commissioning this thing.

I will end on this: well done Sean William Scott for having some brain cells to not appear in this black hole and WHY THE FUCK IS THE SHERMANATOR IN THIS MOVIE? He couldn’t have been that poor.

Verdict

Six Pack

DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going to have a shower now because I feel that dirty and you should be ashamed to have ever wanted to watch it. It is 1 hr 27 mins I won’t ever get back and in the words of Will MacKenzie,

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Drinking Game

Take a Drink: for every ten minutes you watch this movie.

Take a Drink: for each time the Asian kid says “Dog”.

Do a Shot: if you want to kick the crap out of the Asian kid.

Take a Drink: for every time you feel sad seeing Eugene Levy (Jim’s Dad) on screen.

Take a Drink: when Stiffmeister is mentioned.

Do a Shot: for the hell of it.

Drink a Six Pack: to pass the time because that’s going to be more entertaining.

About Shaun Wren

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